We leaders always want to do more, be more, and impact more. How to we get there? Less. Andy Stanley, author and Pastor from North Point Community Church, does a leadership talk entitled “When Less is More.” Below are a few notes from the DVD. Less is More!

The less you do, the more you accomplish. The less you do, the more you enable others to accomplish.

Lean into your strengths. Delegate your weaknesses. Instead of focusing on your weaknesses, focus instead on your strengths. Our tendency is to cheat our strengths and lean into our weaknesses. This is backwards!

Only do what only you can do. This isn’t lazy; this is good use of your gifts. The moment you move away from your core competencies, the more the effective you will be. At the end of the day, you will empower more people!

Leaders forget to distinguish between their authority and their competency. One reason we drift into areas where we don’t have any competency, is because think we have to exercise authority in all areas.

Some leaders feel guilty about delegating. Don’t! You are stealing from other people when you don’t delegate. Do it!

What are your thoughts about doing less and accomplishing more?

Repost: What makes a REAL man? Who is he really? What does a REAL man do? These are questions that our culture answers in a ton of different ways. I posted this on Twitter & Facebook to clear the air- Finish this sentence (U Can help write a blog post! Thx N advance): A real man ___________. 50 responses below; thanks everyone!

I think my favorite (they were all good & thanks for adding to the post) was a tie between: Emily Pierce’s response- A real man will lead. Short and Sweet! Kim Jackson’s response- a man that takes responsibility…for his family, actions, choices, his time, and his feelings. Never leaving it up to the “whatever”…or leaving it for someone else to fill in the blanks. Wow, love it (also loved jfinley’s). Here are the rest of the responses, enjoy:

Twitter:

Jubilee888 A real man… has backbone, yet knows how to be gentle. A real man doesn’t use women, & he treats them as equal value!
msvandt1 isn’t lead by emotions, will ask for help, and will provide for those he cares for.
jfinley becomes great with a woman by his side.
MontanaFry Does whatever he needs to do, no matter how ‘unmanly’, to provide for his family. (as long as it’s legal).
Meeshell_Buck takes care of his kids
Lori_A_Moore A real man is not afraid to show his vulnerability to his wife.
kimjackw a man that takes responsibility…for his family, actions, choices, his time, and his feelings. Never leaving it up to the “whatever”…or leaving it for someone else to fill in the blanks.
pastortomjam a real man does not compromise his convictions
tmtully Loves Jesus & loves his wife the way Christ loved the church”
cvii1216 knows how to read a woman’s needs. Good or bad.
eizusdoow A real man stands his ground even when unpopular. A real man gushes to his friends abt his wife.
Panchogrande04 a real man cries
rebeccagood A real man/ _takes care of his family__.
revcoldfire writes his own blog? Just kidding (Ha! Chase, I know you’re kidding, that was funny! – Chad)
nikkibelsheMTBC loves God first!!!!
YonasA Sacrifices what he loves, for what he loves more.
MonsieurMoise Is like “Blood Diamond” lol (movie)
EmpressOfPink A real man has his own mind, his own spine and they both function at the SAME TIME! (*selah*) *hmmph*

Facebook:

Kyle Cretsinger …is the priest of his family and should take the job of spiritual leader seriously.
Gina Gardner Ward Fuller loves and honors God. Everything else will fall into place.
Jennifer Nunley will do the right thing everytime.
Rachel Gill Honors his marriage vows
Rachel Gill And makes God the head of his household
Teresa Diseker shows affection.
Melissa Lovin would never harm a child.
Kyle Moss a real man doesn’t wear deodorant (I chose to not give a Godly answer like everyone else)
Paige Hudson Garcia keeps his promises, and avoids willfully doing or saying anything he knows is wrong.
Olayemi Eric Ogunbase recognizes that his REAL job is that of Husband and Father. Not the one for which he receives a paycheck.
Pamela Henckel Hunter Loves God first, then his wife and kids.
Emily Chance Pierce will lead.
Natalie Fletcher has reached success when his children are waiting at the door for him when he comes home from work,
Aimee Sapp desires to please God above all else.
Emily Chance Pierce Will pray with his wife.
Terence Kelly trusts God.
Stephanie Williams puts Gods will above his own.
Sam Morrison Hussman Loves God.
Michele Dosier Hollar admits when he needs help from his helpmeet.
Missy Tucker-Meitzen helps with the housekeeping!
Miriam Naomi Brant knows that his actions, words, and thoughts should not be about promoting himself…but promoting God.
Miche Traina Knows how to be vulnerable with his wife
Conrad Jackson Eats Graham crackers without anything to drink at all…
Jody Hoova Allows his relationship with Christ to guide him in leading his household, loving and respecting his wife, and raising his children. God, family, self, then everything else!
Miche Traina Can kill the spiders but still cry at Toy Story 3
Jody Hoova Catches a mouse in the house before his wife has a nervous breakdown
Bob Balkcom Resists passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously and expects a greater reward, God’s Reward (Mens Fraternity)
Joe Breneman Doesn’t write blogs… ha! Congrats Joe, you just helped right one, ha! – Chad

I thought it was interesting that I didn’t see one response involving a car, clothes, etc. Love it. What was your favorite? I’d Love to hear in the comments below! Please feel free to add to the list in the comments…

Action Area for dudes: What are one or two key areas above that really stand out to you? These are possibly areas that you could work on. Pick a few out and right them down, then write a few action steps for each area (Ex. Area: I would like to be more vulnerable with my wife over the next month). Action Steps #1: Once a week (for a month) I will take time to open up to my wife in an area that I am uncomfortable talking about. Action Step #2: Once a week (for a month) I will ask my wife one area that she sees that I can grow in personally. I will not be defensive! Action Step #3: I will ask a friend to hold my accountable to this area of growth in the next 5 days.

Action Area for single ladies: What are two or three key characteristics that you are looking for in a future spouse? (Ex. Area- I want a dude that puts his faith and relationship with God before his job or anything else). Action Step #1: Write these down; maybe there are more than three. Action Step #2: Commit to praying weekly for your future spouse, whoever this may be. Pray for these areas in his life. Action Step #3: Commit to one of your friends that you will not compromise in these areas with the guys you are involved with. Ask them to hold you up to it and see if they want to make their own list.

Action Area for married ladies: What do you see currently in your man that you are thankful for? What are areas that you think he may be able to grow? (Ex. I am thankful that he is so engaged with our kids. I would love to see him grow spiritually as a leader) Action step #1: Commit to telling him once a week over the next 4 weeks one thing that you see in him that you really dig. Action step #2: Commit to praying for him weekly for one area per week. After a couple of weeks, just rotate to a new area. See what God does in his life! Action step #3: If it is an area that is appropriate (be careful with this one), talk to him about it. “I’d love to pray with you, can we pray together tonight?” or “I’d really love it if you showed affection to me in this way.”

Ok, just wanted to give you guys some ideas for taking action on any of the above things people listed. Get after it! – Chad

Here is a post from my personal blog that may help you if you are leading a book study group! This entry was written in conjunction with 20 Top-Notch Relationship Resources: a solid list of books, messages and other resources to help anyone wanting to develop healthy relationships. Always remember this when reading or listening to anything: knowledge without action can be dangerous and destructive. Plenty of well-intended grown men and women have spent a lifetime “learning,” yet never put into practice what they are learning. The intellect easily becomes a god and can lead one down a path of disappointment.  This is the difference between a first-year med student (head knowledge) and a resident physician (actually putting into practice what they are learning). If I had to have surgery, I’d pick the resident over the student if I had to choose between the two!  The below principles may be used in a variety of different settings:

Getting the most out of your reading, a few options:
Read the book on your own and take actions steps to grow as you read
Read the book with your spouse and take steps to grow as you read
Read the book with a friend and discuss how you are growing as a result
Form a discussion group with friends and discuss how you are growing as a result
Blog about it and share with others what you are learning and practicing

Four questions you can ask in a group setting as you go through the book with others:
What ideas in this section did you resonate with the most?
What concepts in this section were the most challenging for you?
What was your favorite quote from this section?
What will you do this week as a result of this section?

These are four easy questions that you can bring to each book study session!  Ask the people in your group to come with thoughts on each of the four questions.  This will encourage them to read the section and really think about what it means for their life as they apply what they are learning.

Ways you can discuss the book or message:
In person at home or over coffee (you don’t need a link for this one).
Tokbox. You’ll need and internet connection and a camera
FreeConferenceCall.com. Free and easy to use.
Set up a Facebook group.
Do an online chat via Babelwith.me- a free chat tool from LifeChurch.tv that will translate 45 different languages.

Finding others to go through the book
Ask them in person
Send a text or email
Put a twitter invite out to see who may be interested
Put a FB message out
As you talk with friends, ask if they would be interested
Pick the book, the people, the time and the place you will discuss it. Now go!

Tips for learning success
Be patient. It may take awhile to get your first taker!
Be intentional. Don’t just pick something. Identify where you would like to grow and find a resource that will help you in that area.
Be selfless. Who else can you help in your quest to learn?
Be creative. Think outside the box and do something different.
Be action-oriented. Don’t just read. Truly learn and change.

What other thoughts or tips do you have in regards to reading, learning and mobilizing others to grow? Need tips on what books to check out?  Here is a great collective list of popular books of 2009 from my friend Scott Williams.

Fathers, guard well what has been given to you.
It is not your job to simply bring home the bacon.
It is not your job to simply make sure the lawn is mowed.
They don’t need your wallet, even though they will some day ask for it.
Security is important, but it is not everything.
What they need is different.
What they need can’t be purchased.
What they need is set apart.
What they need is you.
All of you.
Heart.
Soul.
Attention.
Affection.
The part that may be locked deep inside of you.
It is time to reach in and let it come out.
They need to see the real you.
Imperfections and all.
They need you.
They need to know you love them.
They need to see that you love them.
No matter what.
Even when they are bad.
That you will always love them.
That you love them so much that you will show them a different way.
Through your gentleness and respect.
Through your consistency.
Through discipline.
By being authentic.
By being all there.
By showing them the example that you’ve been called to show.
Even when it hurts.
And even when you don’t know how.
This is your job.
When the world tells you it is about buying their heart.
You will win it by a different method.
You will win them over with love.
And they will change the world because of you someday.
Now go live it.

Dads, what is the single greatest challenge you face as a father? Those that are not dads, what is something you’ve picked up about fatherhood that may help the rest of us?

Today’s Guest Post is from Michael Perkins, a good friend, blogger, artist and a regular guy who likes things simple.
Michael blogs at TheHandwritten.com and hangs
on Twitter here: @MichaelDPerkins

I write all the time.

Sermons. Poems. Blog posts.

Always writing.

And because I wrote so much, I am constantly editing. I’m always looking for things that I need to delete or add in to make whatever I’m working on better.

It’s not the funnest part of writing, but it’s probably the most important.

The last thing I want to do is put something out there that is flawed. (Plus it’s really embarrassing when someone messages you to say that you messed up.)

So…

I’ll spend a few extra minutes to look over things before I publish them.

Which makes me wonder…

Why don’t we do the same right now?

A New Year is upon us.

And with that we have the opportunity to start fresh. We have the opportunity to edit our lives.

We can delete the things that are unimportant.

Or…

We can add in things that enhance them.

Regardless of what we need to do; now is the perfect time to edit.

So will you be doing some editing?

TheWayItCouldBe.com is a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation. Post topics include family, faith, leadership and other stuff. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right.

Those of us in leadership can easily be taken down. Often the causes are not HUGE mishaps. Instead, they are small yet vital details that can easily be overlooked. Here are 3 Things That Can Take Any Leader Out:

1. Thought life.

By thought life I mean what you think about all the time. The conversation going on inside your head is arguably more important than what takes place between yourself and those you lead. If your thought life is negative, what comes out of your mouth will likely be negative. If your thought life is centered around what will benefit YOU the leader the most, this will become quickly evident among those you lead. What you think about, you truly do bring about. Watch your thought life and don’t let it take you out. Instead let it help you rise to the challenges that life presents and lead strong!

2. Energy levels.

Everyone talks about managing your time, but time is fixed and limited. Managing time is important, but I personally believe managing your energy is even more important. Your amount (or lack of) energy impacts EVERYTHING you do as a leader. Lower your energy levels and lower your influence and impact. Raise your energy levels and multiply your influence and impact. Manage your energy levels by watching your diet, exercise, alcohol intake levels, sleeping patterns and by taking proper amounts of time off from work.

3. Self-awareness.

Do you have an accurate view of yourself? Are you aware of your strengths, weaknesses, personality type, and emotional intelligence levels? Do others around you have permission to give you feedback? If the answer to any of these questions is “I’m not sure” or “no” you may not be very self aware. The result could be BIG blind spots that can take you out as a leader. Take advantage of feedback and other self awareness tools to help you gain a higher self awareness.

What are your thoughts on the above three areas? What are other things that can take a leader or a person of influence out? Please share!

Rewind… This is a video I posted this past spring that had a big response. Enjoy!

The Aftermath…

Why is it so hard to do what I talk about in the video? I’d love to hear your feedback…

Want to receive email updates to TheWayItCouldBe.com? Click on the handy new envelope icon at the top of the page to subscribe by email.

Other posts you may like: First On the Scene at a Bad Wreck, 25 Ways to Become a Christian Atheist, 49 Practical Ways to Make Someone’s Day, Life Is Fragile Today, How Will You Use It?

Face it, you, if you are married, (and I) have and will always have an imperfect marriage. It will never be without blunder. Wow, doesn’t that take the pressure off?? Now that we’ve agreed on that truth, let’s talk about 3 Common Marriage Mess-ups and then discuss what you can do with each mess up to have an awesome marriage!

Marriage Mess Up #1- We all have shortcomings. You are imperfect, just like everyone else. Therefore, your marriage will never be perfect. Embrace this early on and you will learn how to thrive in your state of imperfection! Ignore this truth and you will set yourself up for
disappointment at some point down the road.

What to do about it. Openness and honesty- counterbalance your imperfections by being humble, open and honest. Admit when you have wronged one another and seek forgiveness. You probably already know this and are likely tempted to read over this one, but I’d like to encourage you to stop and think about it. Do you really admit when you’ve made a mistake? Have you truly asked for forgiveness?

Marriage Mess Up #2- Misunderstanding. One or more of you likely isn’t a great listener by nature. And one or more of you may have a tough time opening us and communicating needs and desires to the other. Both of these realities, combined with the vast differences between men and women, can set the stage for a sea of misunderstanding in your marriage. Assumptions go unchecked and hurts can build up over time.

What to do about it. Patience and thoughtful words. And becoming a great listener. This one will not be easy. This one is going to take a lot of hard work. You’ve got to learn how to listen. You’ve got to get good at it. Marriage requires putting your agenda aside and serving your spouse by listening. It calls for a constant renewing of the mind, so that your words are thoughtful, intentional and kind. You can do this! Learn to be a great listener, to be patient and to use thoughtful words.

Marriage Mess Up #3- Everyday-ness. Marriage is special. Your spouse is unique. Then comes life. Life lulls you into sleep. It makes the special things seem normal. Everyday-ness happens to your marriage. You take things for granted. Life happens. You look up and your marriage can be….blah. This happens.

What to do about it. Creating special moments. I’m not saying marriage is always a honeymoon or a fairytale or Christmas morning 365 days a year. Nonetheless, it is special! So….make it special. Create special moments, family traditions. Honor your spouse with little things and big things. Serve someone outside of your family and remind yourselves of this: life is not all about what happens inside the walls of your home, but more often what happens when you step off your front porch. Make your marriage special, because it is special!

What other common marriage mess-ups do you see and what can we do about it? Which of these do you relate with and what can you do today about it?

Confidence.

What a misinterpreted word. Here are 5 Things REAL Confidence Is & Isn’t:

Confidence doesn’t mean I’ve got it all together.

It means I’m comfortable knowing I don’t have it all together.

It doesn’t mean you have to prove yourself to others.

It means you don’t measure yourself based on the approval of others.

It doesn’t mean everything will always work out in your favor.

It means that you know who you are, regardless how things work out.

It doesn’t mean always being right.

It does mean you always do the right thing.

It doesn’t mean pushing your agenda in order to win.

It often means putting your agenda aside so someone else can win.

What does confidence mean to you? What isn’t confidence? Love to hear your thoughts!

Do yourself a favor and take a few minutes to watch this Seth Godin video on the difference between a leader and a manager!

So what is one big difference that sticks out to you between a leader and a manager? Maybe it is something Godin said or something you’ve learned. LOVE to hear your thoughts!

TheWayItCouldBe.com is a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation. Post topics include family, faith, leadership and other stuff. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right. – Chad