We get frustrated with other people when they won’t change. The reality is that other people won’t change until they are ready to change. Sometimes life has to run its course in them and around them before they are ready. No amount of pulling, pushing, persuading, arguing can change someone. True change has to come from within. Otherwise, it is simply an act of external modification that will not last.

Frustrated that you can’t change someone? It might be time to focus your limited energy on something you can control, like your attitude, mindset about the situation or your prayers for that person!

Why is this a difficult concept for most of us? Love to hear your thoughts!

Who do you truly listen to?
Those who say
“You must not”
“You should not”?

I ran across this poem
from Shel Silverstein’s “Where the Sidewalk Ends”
I goes like this…

Listen to the MUSTN’TS, child,
Listen to the DON’TS
Listen to the SHOULDN’TS
The IMPOSSIBLES, the WON’TS
Listen to the NEVER HAVES
Then listen close to me-
Anything can happen, child,
ANYTHING can be.

Why is it easier to listen to the SHOULDN’TS?
Parents, are you bigger on the DON’TS than empowering your kids to dream?
Leaders, do you emphasis the SHOULDN’TS more than empowering others to create?
Husbands and wives, do you believe things are IMPOSSIBLE or do you believe that ANYTHING can be?

TheWayItCouldBe.com is a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation. Post topics include family, faith, leadership and other stuff. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right.

Rewind Post: Lone Ranger Christianity- when a person tries to be a follower of Christ all on their own, without any authority, relationships or accountability.

I used to be a Lone Ranger Christian- set my own rules, played my own game. Yeehaaw! Sounds like fun, but even the Lone Ranger had Tonto by his side, watching his back, helping him out and kicking some serious tail! Before too long as a Lone Ranger Christian, I got my tail seriously kicked, over and over again. Sadly, I see a lot of people go through the same thing every day. Lone Ranger Christianity breeds all kinds of forms of faith, with no real limit or constraint other than one’s personal belief or opinion. It is a reality of the world we live in and a struggle for many of us.

What is the opposite of Lone Ranger Christianity? A phrase we hear alot of: Biblical community. I asked the question last week, “What is Biblical community?” & received great responses, thanks guys!

@MarcyMcConnell authenticity, growth, fruit/results

@NoStonesThrown the way the church is responding to Haiti and other needs. That’s biblical community.

@CFlemmingVisual A Christ-centered, Spirit-empowered network of interdependent nurturing relationships…

Josh Snead A living, thriving and selfless body of believers governed by The Word and seeking relationship with Him.

Hallie Arnold A Biblical Community is not just Reading and studying the Word together, but seeking it’s relevance in one another’s lives and holding each other accountable in doing as it commands!

It is interesting to see these truths evidenced through the Scriptures in the early church: “They committed themselves to the apostle’s teaching (Word/Christ-centered), the life together, the common meal (accountability & relationships), and prayer (receiving the Spirit). Acts 2:42. In verse 45, the writer says “they sold whatever they owned and pooled together their resources to meet needs.” (much like Haiti). In verse 47, he goes on to say that “Every day their number grew.” (growth, fruit, results)

Here is a great set of questions you can ask yourself to tell if you are a Lone Ranger Christian or not:

1. Do you have the Word of God in your life regularly, centering your life on who you believe has authority on your life (Christ as revealed through the Word) not your own opinions?

2. Do you have accountability, living life close enough with others to help you live the way you say you believe?

3. Do you have prayer in your life? This is the way God will empower your belief and help you to be who He has called you to be, through His Spirit.

4. Are you helping meet other’s needs because of your belief? This includes trusting God with your resources as you help meet these needs.

5. Are you seeing growth or “fruit” in your life as a result of what you believe? What is different in your life because of your relationship with Christ? Who is different in your life, because of Christ living through you? The Bible uses the example of trees without fruit, claiming fairly harsh consequences of trees without fruit.

If the answer to any of these is no, you may be some version of a Lone Ranger Christian! Without his Word, you have no authority in your life. Without relationships, you have no accountability. Without prayer, no have no source of connection or power. Without serving others or meeting other’s needs you have real love for others (yeah, I said it). Without others in your life helping you grow, you have no legs to your faith.

Don’t Be a Lone Ranger Christian! Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto! Ask God to give you the wisdom to see what you need to to do to leave the prairies and step into community. What can you do to take a step in the right direction? Who can you seek out? Please share your ideas in the comments.

If you dig posts about faith, personal transformation, other other similar topics, feel free to subscribe to TheWayItCouldBe.com updates by email.

Rewind: If you are a dad, a husband or friend, you need to watch this…

If you had 30 days to live, what would look different? Fathers, no regrets…Husbands, no regrets…Friends, no regrets… Comments?

Everyone talks about resolutions this time of year and everyone talks about talking about resolutions. Whether or not you do resolutions, here are some vital questions you need to ask yourself.

They may not all be applicable to you right now but are a great list of questions you can re-visit any time during the year or pass on to someone else by sharing this post!

1. What do I need to say “no” to this year? The Most Important Word In Leadership

2. What am I most excited about right now in life? This may very well be an area where you need to focus time and energy!

3. Where do I need clarity in life? Family? Work? Purpose? What can I do to give myself clarity?

4. What or who is holding me back from my dreams? Dream-stealers and naysayers?

5. What responsibilities have I been entrusted with? Think you are ready for more? Then, it’s time to PROVE IT!

6. Who can help me accomplish what I’d like to accomplish this year? What resources do I need? Do I need to find a mentor?

7. Do I write down my thoughts and aspirations? This could be a huge step for you! How to Remember As You Get Old

8. What distracts me the most in life? What can I do to minimize these distractions? Why You Can’t Work at Work

9. When can I spend time alone thinking and clarifying? Am I a Spiritual Spectator or Am I Connected to Someone higher than myself?

10. What do I really value in life (family, friends, success, faith, a social cause)? Does my calendar reflect these priorities?

Do you do resolutions? If so, we’d love to hear them in the comments! What are other good questions to ask this time of year? What are other resources or articles that you have found helpful? We’d love to know in the comments below!!

Want to live a more complicated, stressed out, troublesome life? Of course, we all do! Here are 3 Steps To A More Complicated Life:

Worry about what is out of your control. There are so many things that are out of our control in life. Other drivers. The economy. Other people’s actions. Want a more complicated life? Worry about things that are out of your control. You will spend so much mental energy, you will not even have anything left to focus on what you can control. You will take a step down the road of complication.

Be bitter towards other people. Want to take things a step further? Hold grudges and bitterness towards individuals or certain groups in our culture. Not only will you withhold something from others, but it will actually make you more bitter. Your heart will be hardened and you will take yet another step in a direction of being complicated!

Try to be 5 places at once. Don’t focus on what you are doing at the moment. Try to do several things at once. When you are in a conversation with someone at work, be thinking about something else. Work at home. Play at work. Be online while you are with your family. Next thing you know, you will be living the most complicated life imaginable!

What are other steps we can take to live a more complicated life? Do share!

Saw this pic online today. Are you ready for some football??

Ok, let the captions fly!

Everyone wants to be THERE not HERE.We naturally look for the day WHEN THIS happens or WHEN THAT takes place. It is easy to lose sight of the importance of The Middle.

Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Today. Where God has you today. The Middle.

Dads and moms, don’t miss those Middle Years. Leaders, don’t miss that Middle of the road position or Middle ground your organization seems to be stuck in. Don’t miss it! Your character is being shaped. You are becoming who you will be. Don’t miss it! Don’t miss the importance of The Middle.

Why is this so tough? Do help in the comments below… Are you stuck in The Middle? What can you learn during this time in your life?

TheWayItCouldBe.com is a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation. Post topics include family, faith, leadership and other areas of life. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right.

Are you single and want to prepare yourself to be the best husband or wife someday?  Do you have a great marriage, but want to make it better? Are you struggling in an area and want to make a change?  Do you just like to read? A few days ago, I put out a few questions asking, “What is your favorite marriage resource, book, author, message and why?”  Below are the responses from helpful friends around the world.

TheWayItCouldBe.com is an effort to encourage cultural change through personal and spiritual transformation. You can subscribe to the RSS feed above (yellow diamond) to receive updates.  Thanks for stopping by! You should also check out Get Others On The Hook to Read a Book for: help getting the most out of your reading, 4 Questions you can ask as you go through a book, ways you can discuss a book or message, finding others to go through the book and tips for learning success. Here are 20 Top-Notch Relationship Resources:

ErikandJenn Trevino- A Weekend to Remember marriage conference
Steven Paul- The Language of Love and The DNA of Relationships by Gary Smalley- Gary provides the most practical principles on making sure that your relationships will last a lifetime.
Trent N Keri Austin- Sacred Marriage. “What if God designed marriage to make us Holy not Happy.”
Aaron Tungate- I second Sacred Marriage.
Kyle Cretsinger- His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley Jr.
Teresa Diseker- Created to Be His Help Meet, can’t remember the author.
Yvonne Wright- The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
Tina Crowder- 7 Principles for Making a Marriage Work by John Gottmann…excellent book.
Stacia Neeley- His Needs/Her Needs by Harley…but you’ll have to customize it to your needs. I discovered that in two areas, I am a guy -ha!
Darin Hedrick- Love and Respect, Emerson Eggerich Great book and web-site!!
Anita Gay Soler- Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. Subtitle: “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than make us happy?” It’s an awesome book. Totally in keeping with the concept of God is our One, our spouse is our Two.
Greg Pirtle- www.simplemarriage.net – My friend Corey Allan is a great resource and has a very honest and healthy approach.
Angela Nevius Dormer- Sacred Marriage by Thomas, Five Love Languages by Chapman, sheet music by Leman
Misty Stanger Wooldridge- The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
CourtneyCherest- @PastorMark’s Peasant Princess series and@stevenfurtick’s Visionary Love, Dream Sex series. Both Song of Solomon. Great
Linn Graves- Mine is The Love Dare by Stephen&Alex Kendrick
Jay Greentree- @Linn_Graves @chadmissildineMine is The Love Dare by Stephen&Alex Kendrick // The Love Dare and Fireproof The Movie
CourtneyCherest- you’re welcome. Also, Piper’s book This Momentary Marriage…
I’ll add three- Focus on the Family’s website, Craig Groeschel’s Message Series The Vow and Once Upon a Marriage

What other favorite resources do you have for relationships or marriage?

Some day you will look back at the end of your life here on earth. You may or may not have time or make time to stop and reflect on your life. If you do have or make time to stop and reflect, you will likely say one of two different things about the time you spent. The first thing you could say is, “I gave it all I had, and I had as much impact on the lives of others as possible with what I was given.” The results will look different for everyone, depending on their abilities and gifts. You may be able to say this.

On the contrary, the other thing you may be forced to say is, “Um…I sort of drifted by on a river of mediocrity. I didn’t really do a whole lot with what I was given.” The Mediocre Life. This could be you. And if floating down that river of nothingness gets you excited, I can guarantee you a way to get there. Yep, guarantee it! Here are 5 Ways To Guarantee a Mediocre Life:

1. Do a TON of different things, but don’t do any of them that well. This is a great way to live a mediocre life. Sticking with something important is way too difficult; it is much easier just to drift on to something else. Something more comfortable. Something that doesn’t require sacrifice.

2. Engage with MANY different people, but don’t build significant, meaningful relationships with anyone. This is a great way to slide by in life. When you alienate yourself from close relationships, you don’t have to change. You don’t have to be accountable to anyone. You can just be comfortable. Mediocre.

3. Say YES every time you are asked to do something, even it is isn’t what you are passionate and gifted to do. Allow guilt to guide your decision making, not what you value or have decided ahead of time is most important.

4. Allow FEAR to dominate your thinking. When you are afraid of failing, believe and accept that failure will likely become reality. Don’t dream. Dreaming is for kids and the naive.

5. Don’t set challenging GOALS. Ever. A great way to ensure that you won’t achieve your goals is to not set any. Don’t write them down. Don’t push yourself. Just react to your environment.

Sounds like fun, huh? Mediocrity. Comfort. Cruise control. These 5 things will get you there. Or you can just not think about it, that might work for you too…

What are some other ways to guarantee a mediocre life? Love to hear your thoughts in the comments…

TheWayItCouldBe.com is a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation (individuals contributing to actually changing our cities and our world). Post topics include family, faith, leadership and other stuff. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right.