Fathers, guard well what has been given to you.
It is not your job to simply bring home the bacon.
It is not your job to simply make sure the lawn is mowed.
They don’t need your wallet, even though they will some day ask for it.
Security is important, but it is not everything.
What they need is different.
What they need can’t be purchased.
What they need is set apart.
What they need is you.
All of you.
Heart.
Soul.
Attention.
Affection.
The part that may be locked deep inside of you.
It is time to reach in and let it come out.
They need to see the real you.
Imperfections and all.
They need you.
They need to know you love them.
They need to see that you love them.
No matter what.
Even when they are bad.
That you will always love them.
That you love them so much that you will show them a different way.
Through your gentleness and respect.
Through your consistency.
Through discipline.
By being authentic.
By being all there.
By showing them the example that you’ve been called to show.
Even when it hurts.
And even when you don’t know how.
This is your job.
When the world tells you it is about buying their heart.
You will win it by a different method.
You will win them over with love.
And they will change the world because of you someday.
Now go live it.

Dads, what is the single greatest challenge you face as a father? Those that are not dads, what is something you’ve picked up about fatherhood that may help the rest of us?

Hello parents.
I know you love your kids.
And you want to show them love.
So you want to give them stuff.
Like Silly Slippers.
And sports camps.
Well.
Stuff is great.
But here is one thing that you can give them.
That will change their lives forever.
And could change the world in the process
Give.
Them.
Grace.
This is what they need the most.
More than boundaries and rules.
More than being told no.
More than crazy experiences and fun.
They need grace.
They need to know they are loved.
Without conditions.
Without perfect performance.
Just love.
Give Them Grace.

Why is it so tough to give kids grace? Where do you find the balance between discipline and love? This is a tough one for me. Love to hear your thoughts!

Welcome to TheWayItCouldBe.com, a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation. Post topics include family, faith, and leadership. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right. Thanks for visiting – Chad

Repost: What makes a REAL man? Who is he really? What does a REAL man do? These are questions that our culture answers in a ton of different ways. I posted this on Twitter & Facebook to clear the air- Finish this sentence (U Can help write a blog post! Thx N advance): A real man ___________. 50 responses below; thanks everyone!

I think my favorite (they were all good & thanks for adding to the post) was a tie between: Emily Pierce’s response- A real man will lead. Short and Sweet! Kim Jackson’s response- a man that takes responsibility…for his family, actions, choices, his time, and his feelings. Never leaving it up to the “whatever”…or leaving it for someone else to fill in the blanks. Wow, love it (also loved jfinley’s). Here are the rest of the responses, enjoy:

Twitter:

Jubilee888 A real man… has backbone, yet knows how to be gentle. A real man doesn’t use women, & he treats them as equal value!
msvandt1 isn’t lead by emotions, will ask for help, and will provide for those he cares for.
jfinley becomes great with a woman by his side.
MontanaFry Does whatever he needs to do, no matter how ‘unmanly’, to provide for his family. (as long as it’s legal).
Meeshell_Buck takes care of his kids
Lori_A_Moore A real man is not afraid to show his vulnerability to his wife.
kimjackw a man that takes responsibility…for his family, actions, choices, his time, and his feelings. Never leaving it up to the “whatever”…or leaving it for someone else to fill in the blanks.
pastortomjam a real man does not compromise his convictions
tmtully Loves Jesus & loves his wife the way Christ loved the church”
cvii1216 knows how to read a woman’s needs. Good or bad.
eizusdoow A real man stands his ground even when unpopular. A real man gushes to his friends abt his wife.
Panchogrande04 a real man cries
rebeccagood A real man/ _takes care of his family__.
revcoldfire writes his own blog? Just kidding (Ha! Chase, I know you’re kidding, that was funny! – Chad)
nikkibelsheMTBC loves God first!!!!
YonasA Sacrifices what he loves, for what he loves more.
MonsieurMoise Is like “Blood Diamond” lol (movie)
EmpressOfPink A real man has his own mind, his own spine and they both function at the SAME TIME! (*selah*) *hmmph*

Facebook:

Kyle Cretsinger …is the priest of his family and should take the job of spiritual leader seriously.
Gina Gardner Ward Fuller loves and honors God. Everything else will fall into place.
Jennifer Nunley will do the right thing everytime.
Rachel Gill Honors his marriage vows
Rachel Gill And makes God the head of his household
Teresa Diseker shows affection.
Melissa Lovin would never harm a child.
Kyle Moss a real man doesn’t wear deodorant (I chose to not give a Godly answer like everyone else)
Paige Hudson Garcia keeps his promises, and avoids willfully doing or saying anything he knows is wrong.
Olayemi Eric Ogunbase recognizes that his REAL job is that of Husband and Father. Not the one for which he receives a paycheck.
Pamela Henckel Hunter Loves God first, then his wife and kids.
Emily Chance Pierce will lead.
Natalie Fletcher has reached success when his children are waiting at the door for him when he comes home from work,
Aimee Sapp desires to please God above all else.
Emily Chance Pierce Will pray with his wife.
Terence Kelly trusts God.
Stephanie Williams puts Gods will above his own.
Sam Morrison Hussman Loves God.
Michele Dosier Hollar admits when he needs help from his helpmeet.
Missy Tucker-Meitzen helps with the housekeeping!
Miriam Naomi Brant knows that his actions, words, and thoughts should not be about promoting himself…but promoting God.
Miche Traina Knows how to be vulnerable with his wife
Conrad Jackson Eats Graham crackers without anything to drink at all…
Jody Hoova Allows his relationship with Christ to guide him in leading his household, loving and respecting his wife, and raising his children. God, family, self, then everything else!
Miche Traina Can kill the spiders but still cry at Toy Story 3
Jody Hoova Catches a mouse in the house before his wife has a nervous breakdown
Bob Balkcom Resists passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously and expects a greater reward, God’s Reward (Mens Fraternity)
Joe Breneman Doesn’t write blogs… ha! Congrats Joe, you just helped right one, ha! – Chad

I thought it was interesting that I didn’t see one response involving a car, clothes, etc. Love it. What was your favorite? I’d Love to hear in the comments below! Please feel free to add to the list in the comments…

Action Area for dudes: What are one or two key areas above that really stand out to you? These are possibly areas that you could work on. Pick a few out and right them down, then write a few action steps for each area (Ex. Area: I would like to be more vulnerable with my wife over the next month). Action Steps #1: Once a week (for a month) I will take time to open up to my wife in an area that I am uncomfortable talking about. Action Step #2: Once a week (for a month) I will ask my wife one area that she sees that I can grow in personally. I will not be defensive! Action Step #3: I will ask a friend to hold my accountable to this area of growth in the next 5 days.

Action Area for single ladies: What are two or three key characteristics that you are looking for in a future spouse? (Ex. Area- I want a dude that puts his faith and relationship with God before his job or anything else). Action Step #1: Write these down; maybe there are more than three. Action Step #2: Commit to praying weekly for your future spouse, whoever this may be. Pray for these areas in his life. Action Step #3: Commit to one of your friends that you will not compromise in these areas with the guys you are involved with. Ask them to hold you up to it and see if they want to make their own list.

Action Area for married ladies: What do you see currently in your man that you are thankful for? What are areas that you think he may be able to grow? (Ex. I am thankful that he is so engaged with our kids. I would love to see him grow spiritually as a leader) Action step #1: Commit to telling him once a week over the next 4 weeks one thing that you see in him that you really dig. Action step #2: Commit to praying for him weekly for one area per week. After a couple of weeks, just rotate to a new area. See what God does in his life! Action step #3: If it is an area that is appropriate (be careful with this one), talk to him about it. “I’d love to pray with you, can we pray together tonight?” or “I’d really love it if you showed affection to me in this way.”

Ok, just wanted to give you guys some ideas for taking action on any of the above things people listed. Get after it! – Chad

Rewind: Where are all the MEN? We look around and see a lot of grown boys and even guys. But what about the MEN?

Is there a MAN shortage? I see lots of dudes mowing yards, working a lot, talking and living and breathing sports like an nineteen-year-old with a ball will really matter a year from now. But where are all the MEN?

Sometimes I don’t even see a MAN in my own house, when I work too much or check out when I am supposed to be the most engaged. Or when I am scared of spiders or roaches.

Seriously, is someone abducting all the MEN? Where are the spiritual leaders? The ones who are confident in themselves?

The leaders, where are they? The ones that will take risks, where did they go? Is there a MAN shortage? Did the MAN factory run out of materials?

I’m not talking about ties, church clothes or bank accounts. Nor am I speaking of egos, popularity, followings. I’m talking about real MEN: Guts, integrity, honest, vulnerable, faithful to their family, faithful to their faith, MEN. Where are they?

Our prisons are overcrowded, our schools are strapped for dads and mentors, our cities are dragging in a slow, painful, cultural death. Our churches have Lone Rangers, floating around on their own. Where are all the MEN?

I guess we should do something about it. I guess if we knew we had one day to live, we would act different. I guess we should start BEING MEN and then helping others learn how to be MEN. I guess we shouldn’t just sit around and blog about it, gripe about, wonder about it. I guess we should DO SOMETHING about it. Raise up some MEN who can teach some more MEN who can lead even more MEN.

Are there any MEN out there than will join me? What are YOU going to do about it?? Let’s hear it…. I’d like to challenge you to share this post with some other men.

Are there any women who will join me in praying for men everywhere to STEP UP?? I would also like for you to share this post ladies.

Welcome to TheWayItCouldBe.com, a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation. Post topics include creativity, family, faith, culture, social media and leadership. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right. Thanks for visiting – Chad

I have a number of confessions to make. A lot of people think as a pastor at a pretty influential church that I must be bullet proof or something. If you followed me around for about twelve seconds, you would quickly find out how far that would be from the truth. Heck I got my foot stuck in the recliner today for crying out loud. It’s amazing I make it around some days. Confession time. Here we go…

1. I’m not always a great parent. Sometimes I check out when I’m supposed to be checked in. I try really hard. I pray a lot with our kids. I love their mom a lot and try to show it. But every day I do something stupid. Every single day. I made a beautiful little two year old cry today. Good thing she forgot about it nine seconds later.

2. I’m not always a good husband. I’m often selfish. Sometimes I leave clothes on the floor. Sometimes I’m not listening and nodding at the same time. I try really hard until I realize that trying hard isn’t that big of a deal, that maybe I shouldn’t be trying so hard. We do pray together every day as a family and as a couple. But I do silly things that men tend to do. I forget about important things. I’m late sometimes. I’m not always a good husband.

3. I don’t share my faith as much as I used to. I’m not sure why, I try to all the time. I pray for opportunities and sometimes I see the opportunity and more than not I miss it. I get too busy and I’m not always present where ever I actually am at the moment. I may be there physically, but I might not be there mentally. Like you might think you see me at the grocery store, but there is a good chance I might not even be there. I’m trying to be more present wherever I am, but I’m not that great at it.

4. I don’t know my neighbors as well as I would like to. We tried to meet them all at Halloween. We bought candy and waited to pass it out to our neighbors, but no one stopped by. Not one person. So we walked around and met as many neighbors as we can. We’ve only been in our new neighborhood for nine months, but we still haven’t hung out much. This bothers me a lot.

We are supposed to be making a difference in the lives of our neighbors and loving them as much as we love ourselves. I think we love ourselves too much. In our last neighborhood, we threw a block party once and had the entire neighborhood over to our house. We built some pretty amazing relationships there. I think I still may be there in my mind, too busy for our new neighbors. Too busy living in the past. Too busy making excuses while the people across the street go on living their lives without us in them.

5. I don’t have that great of a grasp on grace. I try really hard at everything. I try to perform for God. I try to earn his approval, even though Jesus has already taken care of all of this. I have a tough time when I mess up or let someone down.

So here is the point of this post I guess. Have you noticed something? Have you noticed how much I have used a certain word? Have you noticed how much everything revolves around….me? I this. I that.

This is the stuff that I bet God laughs at. I bet he thinks, “don’t you see how much of the focus in on you and what you can do instead of on me and what I’ve done for you.” I bet he laughs and laughs. I bet he thinks, “I told you so. I’ve been trying for years to tell you so.” I bet he loves me anyway. I bet he feels the same way about you. I bet he loves you in your brokenness, your messed-upness, your pain, your disillusionment. I bet he loves you even when you lost your marriage. I bet he loves you even when you hurt your best friend. I bet he loves you even when you don’t love him back or think about him much. I bet he loves you anyway. I know he does. I bet you he is waiting to talk. I’ll put my bet on that. I not betting on me anymore.

Am I alone here?? Love to hear in the comments!

Everyone wants to have an awesome family. Few are willing to do what it takes. Don’t believe me? Look around. Families everywhere are falling apart. Some survive. Families we were made to more than just survive. They were created to thrive! The reality is that a thriving family doesn’t just happen by accident. It takes hard work, a lot of self-sacrifice and a great deal of intentionality. Here are 6 Keys To Developing An Awesome Family:

Self awareness- The family that helps one another become more self-aware is the family that helps one another have greater impact outside the doors of the home. By self-aware, I mean that each person knows who they are, and how they are impacting those around them. For example, the self-aware child learns how to respect their parents or siblings or the self-aware husband knows the impact their words are having on others in the home. A lot of families try to “protect” one another, but are not helping each other become more and more self aware. Families striving for self awareness “call it like it is” and help each other realize one another’s blind spots as well as strong points.

Unconditional love- This is the foundation for a healthy family. Unconditional love says, “My love for you is not tied to your performance or any other external circumstance. It is not conditional based on what you do.” This type of love creates an atmosphere of trust in the home. It allows others to know that the family is a safe place even when the rest of the world dishes out conditional love (I only accept you if you perform well, look good or love me back in return). An atmosphere of unconditional love creates an environment for emotional and relational development that will put each individual in a place where they can grow and succeed in life. It gives permission to take risks, knowing that failure can and probably will happen at some point, but that failure is ok. Want an awesome family? Fill it with unconditional love.

Family Vision & Values- Most families don’t have a defined vision or set of values. Honestly, they take a lot of work to create. The result is usually an unclear direction and even conflict down the road. The family with a vision is able to go places as one and have greater impact in life. Much like a laser, when every individual is moving in the same direction, the concentrated energy can have significant impact! This family is able to make decisions based not upon convenience, but rather upon a set of values that everyone holds as important. For example, in my family, when time demanding things come up that fall outside of our vision and values, we can simply say, “No thank you.” We have already thought through what is most important to us, so it is easy to say no to the less important things.

Intentional Time- We plan to spend time together each day as a family. It doesn’t always work out, but most days we are spending some sort of intentional time as a family. We usually make and eat breakfast together and usually dinner as well. No phones or TV during this time, just conversation. We will typically read a story to the girls or something from YouVersion.com. We always talk about what is going on in and around us. Quality time leads to quality communication, which leads to trusting relationships. Without intentional time, you will not have the environment necessary for healthy relationships to develop.

Fun Traditions- Our family likes to have fun. A lot of fun. Over the years, we’ve started several family traditions that we look forward to and call our own. Some are simple and silly, others are more meaningful. For example, we take a week vacation every fall to the beach or some place warm. We look forward to this time each year and it gives us something to talk about, plan for and remember. Traditions are a great way to bring your family together and have fun with one another! They are a way to give your family an identity of its own- something to be proud of.

Spiritual development- Spiritual development points outside of the family to draw upon strength that it otherwise would not have alone. Without a spiritual element in a family, it is like an unanchored ship on a stormy sea. When the storms come, and they will, the family without a spiritual foundation will be much more likely to fall apart. Faith will anchor your family down and at the same time release it to reach places it would never reach on its own. When your kids leave the home, they will have be able to own their own faith and achieve more in life than they ever could without faith.

These 6 Keys are just a few I came up with. Which ones are the most difficult for you and why? What other elements lead to having an Awesome Family? Love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Hey folks, first blog post in awhile.
Looks like the world has still managed to spin.
I hope today finds you well.
I think you’ll like this story.

Molly is 2.
Last night she was really upset.
Dad was the typical dad.
I could not figure out what she wanted.
Me: Do you want a snack baby?
Molly: No.
Me: Do you want to play toys?
Molly: No.
Me: Do you want to watch tv?
Molly: No.
Me: Well baby, what do you want:
And this is where it got me….
She looks deep into my eyes.
She said as clear as anything I’ve ver heard…
“I just want you daddy.”
That is all.
Not toys.
Not food.
Not entertainment.
Just her daddy.
She just wanted to be close to her daddy.
So it made me think a lot.
About being their for our kids.
About being there for our family.
About trying to give them all the world has to offer.
When it is not really what they are looking for at all.
I thought about my relationship with God.
Do we want his provisions?
The toys he gives?
Food on the table?
Conditions and restrictions?
Or…
Do we just.
Want.
Him.
?

How about you?
Why is it so easy for us to want to give all the other things?
Why is it so easy for us to want to receive all the other things?
Love to hear your thoughts…

New to TheWayItCouldBe.com? This is a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation. Post topics include family, faith and leadership. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right.

Most of us will go through pain some time in life. When we get there, we will typically do one of two things:

1. Run from it. We run from pain because it is uncomfortable. It doesn’t feel good. It is difficult. We run from whatever it is that we think is causing that pain. We run by walking out on a marriage. We run by quitting the job. We run from the friendship when someone does us wrong.

There is a problem with running from what we think causes pain. The problem is our motive. The problem is that we don’t want to change. We don’t want things to impact us. We are comfortable with the way things are. The way we are. We don’t want to change. This is our human nature.

Even bigger of a problem, running from the pain doesn’t really work all that well. It sort of has a tendency to follow us. We run from the marriage only to find out we are still empty (Yes, if one’s safety is in jeopardy, there is a time to run). We run from the job only to discover it is our perspective that is off. We run from a friendship only to realize that forgiving would have been easier than living with unforgiveness. Then, there is a second option when we experience pain.

2. Embrace it. Embrace the pain. This is the more difficult option. Especially when it really hurts. Especially when we don’t understand. Certainly when we know it might get worse before it gets better. We embrace the pain when we don’t walk way. We embrace the pain when we endure a tough situation.

When we embrace the pain, we learn and we grow. When we embrace difficulties, we are stretched beyond our current capacity. We we experience pain today, our real character is challenged and refined. Pain takes the things out of us that probably shouldn’t be in us. Pain can also show us where to make a change.  It can even shape our destiny. If we let it. And not run from it.

Your choice however. Choose wisely.

What do you think about pain? Love to hear your thoughts.

“Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
― C.S. Lewis

This happened 10 years ago today…

You With No Strings

That much.
With no strings attached.
You are loved.
No conditions.
No clauses.
No backup plan.
No selfish ambition.
No strings.
Just you.
The way you are.
And.
The way you will be.
Through times that are easy.
And times that are really tough.
The way He loves us.
I love you that much.
With no strings attached.

This post was written on the 10 year anniversary of the night I married the perfect person in the world for me (Macy).

Mach, I’ll never forget how excited I was that night to become your husband!

Thanks for loving me with no strings attached.

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Comments?

New to TheWayItCouldBe.com? This is a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation. Post topics include creativity, family, faith, culture, social media and leadership. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right.

Post from Michael Hyatt’s blog at MichaelHyatt.com. Check him out!
What does marriage have to do with leadership? If you are married, everything. Nothing will undermine your effectiveness as a leader faster than a bad marriage. Your marriage is a living example of what it is like to be in a close relationship with you. This is why it is so important that leaders get this right if they want to influence others.

Unfortunately, we live in a culture that is very me-centered. Gail and I often talk to people who are frustrated with their spouses. Most of this stems from the fact that they are not getting what they think they need or what they think they should be getting… Go HERE to read the rest of this post.

Michael has some incredible resources available. The most helpful I’ve purchased is his resource on Writing A Winning Book Proposal.