Do you or someone you know have a broken marriage? If so, below are a few thoughts. If they are helpful, I would love for you to share them elsewhere.  Here are 22 Tips For Broken Marriages:

1. Know that God can relate. His family has been broken for a long time.
2. Talk to Him about it. He will listen and help you.
3. Know that you can be different. So can your marriage
4. Get help. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
5. Talk to a Biblical counselor. They will help you.
6. Don’t wait, do it today! Each day you wait is a day you could be growing in your marriage.
7. Lay down your pride and get help. Seriously, get over your pride.
8. Don’t Give Up!
9. It’s too late for band-aids; you may need surgery.
10. Get space in your life. You may need to let go of something for awhile.
11. Do something.
12. Be patient. It probably took a long time to get this way. It’s not going be healed overnight.
13. Healing won’t be easy, scars are real and often permanent. Healing is possible though!
14. Commit to praying for your spouse daily.
15. Ask yourself what YOU can do to change.
16. Talk with your spouse and try to listen twice as much as you talk.
17. Don’t Give Up! Please.
18. Know your kids need to see a real marriage, not a fake one. Get help.
19. Seek forgiveness from God. You are not perfect, nor is anyone else.
20. Confess any secrets you need to confess to your spouse.
21. Change what you can you control: how you respond, your thoughts, your attitude.
22. What else can you control? Your speech.

Ok, we’d love to hear your thoughts about these tips. Which ones resonate with you the most and why?  What other tips would you like to add for the rest of our readers. We’d love to hear them in the comments below!

TheWayItCouldBe.com is a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation. Post topics include family, faith, leadership and other stuff. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right. – Chad

I realize society has dealt with poverty since the beginning of time, but I still am young enough to believe the church can do something about it. According to the US Department of Agriculture, hunger is at a high point with one in six families going hungry this past fall (49 Million people). The NY Times reported in August that unemployment for men under 35 may be at the highest rate in 61 years! The homeless count, though difficult to track, is off the charts (article from Guardian.co.uk).

Below are some things our church is doing to help.  Items 1-4 are more general in nature and items 5-8 specifically deal with empowering volunteers to fight poverty. I would truly would love to hear your feedback! Help the rest of us figure out how to break the vicious cycle of poverty in our country. Here are 8 Ways Your Church Can Fight Domestic Poverty:

1. Fight Spiritual poverty. One of the best places your church can start is by helping people who are spiritually broken.  I believe spiritual poverty is the root cause of all other forms of poverty.  Help people understand that they have hope and help them meet and grow in Jesus and many times, the other pieces will begin to fall into place for them.

2. Educate the young. Empower young children to be successful and get an education. Give them a chance to be the first in their family to graduate high school and go to college. Our church is currently working with 40 volunteers to figure out how to help high risk students at a local elementary school. Most of the kids are stuck in a vicious cycle of poverty. One by one, we are helping them get an education.

3. Be a voice for those that don’t have a voice. What platform do you or your church have? Is it one of influence? Millions around the world have no platform, no voice. Be the voice they need. “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed.” Proverbs 31:8

4. Meet needs, but teach personal responsibility. Instead of just giving away meals, teach on parenting, help someone find a job, ask questions that will help. Coach people into becoming more responsible. Help them find the resources they need until they can become more independent. Realize that many cannot become independent without some significant help. Don’t put conditions on what you do to help (you won’t give someone a meal unless you get to teach them something). Just keep this in mind as a goal you would like to accomplish.

5. Empower your people to believe in someone else. Often, a person has never believed in themselves enough to get out of a tough situation. Not only do they not believe in themselves- neither does anyone else.  Let them borrow the faith of your church for awhile. Encourage those you believe to believe in someone else.  Start by believing in those you lead!  Believe in them until they can believe in themselves. Tell them what you see in them. Encourage them. Show them the love they may have never had.  Then ask them to go and do the same with others in the community!

6. Partner with those already fighting poverty. Chances are, there are dozens of well established organizations in your area that are fighting poverty and doing it well. Find out who they are and see what type of help they need. Ask how long they have been established, what their objectives are and what you can do to help. Then dig in and get dirty!

7. Be aware, so you keep help your church be aware. Get out of your own little world and look around, then help those you lead to do the same. You’d be amazed to see what needs are out there! Read the paper, get news apps on your phone, whatever you can do to become more aware of what is going on. My two year old daughter prays for the people that “sleep in trees” and “don’t have food in there refrigerator” simply because we get out of our house and try to open out eyes to the realities in our city. You can become aware too, then you can help your church become aware to what needs are out there.

8. Help people discover their vision and passions. Don’t just tell those you lead to look for an organization where they can serve. Help them first discover their life vision and passions (We use a tool called Chazown.com)   This passion will fuel them over the long haul as they serve the community. What do they value? Is it family?  Help them serve to build up families. Is it injustice? Help them by partnering with someone fighting injustice. Are they good at tutoring? Help them connect with a local school.

Alright, help the rest of us broaden our perspective. Do you or your church resonate with any of these? What other thoughts do you have? What else can the church do to help fight domestic poverty?

Someone got Meg these glasses for Valentine’s Day and she has been walking up to Macy and me saying, “Here daddy, put these on.” I’m thinking this could be our next Christmas card. Thoughts/comments below? The winning caption/comment shall receive a virtual high-five (thx Michael Perkins)!

If you are new to TheWayItCouldBe.com & you are a church leader, here are some posts on the Church, here are some leadership articles I’ve written and these were the top posts of 2010. This is how you can use social media to be a better church leader and this is an interested read on church planting in the ghetto. Thanks for stopping by!

For some reason as adults, we get SO serious as life goes on. Would you agree?  Why do you think this is? I am so thankful for kids who remind us to laugh, to breathe, to not always take things so seriously. I want to be more like my little girl. She is a light to many and has influence in our house and with her friends, even at the age of 3. Ok, what do you think about our picture? Caption? Love to hear in the comments below!

TheWayItCouldBe.com is a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation. Post topics include family, faith, leadership and other stuff. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right. – Chad

ONE Chance

You will walk by someone today that you will never see again in this lifetime. You have ONE Chance to make an impact.

You will have a friend today experiencing trials or even grief. You have ONE Chance to be there for them in their time of need.

You will have people looking to you today for direction, for their future, their dreams. You have ONE Chance to cast a vision that is BIG enough to compel them, to move them.

You have a neighborhood around you, filled with brokenness, hurt and pain. You have ONE Chance in this life to be the light in a dark place.

You have generations that have gone before you and never seen their Creator, their maker. Never known the real him, real love. You have ONE Chance to break the chains of the past and free up the future for years to come.

You have dreams, talents & passions burning inside of you. You have ONE Chance in this life to go for them.

ONE Chance, if you miss it, you’ll go on. The seasons will still change and the wind will still blow. You’ll be forgiven. But if you seize it, I mean truly size it, that ONE Chance could be enough to alter the course of history in one life or even more. Today. ONE chance. Go. For. It.

This is your life.

The Way It Could Be.

What ONE Chance will you take today? What ONE Chance are you taking right now in life?  What ONE Chance do you need to take, but you haven’t?  Please share in the comments below!

TheWayItCouldBe.com is a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation. Post topics include creativity, family, faith, culture, social media and leadership. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right. – Chad

It doesn’t matter if you are single, a dad, a mom, a husband or a wife.  If you aren’t aware of how you think when you are away from work and the rest of the world, you will set yourself up for a fall.  If you can’t control your mind and thought life at home, you will end up in trouble at some point in life.  If I had to boil it down, here are 3 Words That Will Change Your Home Life:

Be. All. There. Emotionally.  Physically. Mentally. 100% of you. Be. All. There.

Single people, be careful bringing your work & all the worries of the world home. Draw boundaries and use this time during your life to grow personally.  When you are home or with friends, Be. All. There.

Dads, Your kids won’t remember your problems some day. They don’t care about your meetings or events. All they’ll remember is if you were there with them. If you were all there. Be. All. There.

Moms, you are amazing. We don’t understand how you do it. Manage your time well. Don’t worship them, but block out sections of time where you focus on nothing but the kids (Shoutout to Moms).  Be. All. There.

Husbands, work hard when you are at work.  Turn things off on your way home.  Your wife needs your full attention when you get there. Go to a park or go for a run to clear your head if you need to. Be. All. There.

Wives, you are unbelievably amazing. Seriously, how do you put up with us? Be careful with social media sites like Facebook. Make your time with your husband special and block out the world. Be. All. There.

Be. All. There. You’d be surprised what these 3 words can do for your health, your family, your sanity.  You’d be amazed what will happen with your kids and with your marriage. You’ll be surprised what will happen in your workplace.

Be. All. There. For you. For them. For Him. Thoughts?  Love to Hear them in the comments below!

Why is it so tough for us to turn things off and focus on the task at hand?  What tips do you have for the rest of us when it comes to these 3 words?

TheWayItCouldBe.com is a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation. Post topics include creativity, family, faith, culture, social media and leadership. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right. – Chad

I’ve written a lot about utilizing Twitter, Facebook and blogs like this one to build influence with others around the world. As business leaders, church leaders (and really just as a people), we have a responsibility to be a good steward of the resources and life that we’ve been given. This includes being responsible with our influence in social media (sites likes Twitter and Facebook and blogs) and and being open with the lives we live outside of the 9-5. Let me explain. Here are 4 Reasons To Use Social Media To Model Leadership:

1. Trust me, people are watching you. They want to know if you are the real deal. They want to see if you talk the talk or simply walk the walk. They should be watching you online as you open up your life. Think about it. Your influence & “face time” with people can be expanded 10-100 fold by choosing to utilize social media to share your life with others.

2. Long story short, I’ve chosen to open my life up to others online and you should do the same.  Out to the right of this text is a new 30 day time line of pictures I’ve posted to Twitter & Facebook through Twitpic. Just over 2000 people have viewed these pictures. Take a look at them.  If you look closely, you can see some themes emerge: family is important, my wife and I have an open and fun relationship (see her text), and I’m a real person, flaws and all. You should share your life today too. First, you need to make the decision THAT you want to share it.  Then you can worry about the HOW (Twitter, Facebook, a blog, Twitpic, Linkedin, YouTube, etc).

3. I’m not saying that people should follow me or you…be like me…me, me…you, you, you.  Ultimately, it is not about me at all. Or you. These pics are mixed in with dozens upon dozens of text posts about God, family, leadership and life.  Still, connected to these pictures and posts are countless conversations with other people.  You should see the conversations on Twitter alone.  Each picture, each post is a touch point about what is important to me.  I hope they make people think about their own life- what is or could be important to them.  The way things could be. Each post you make could be a touch point for you.  It’s not about you.  It’s about what you are leading people to do.  Who they are becoming.  I repeat, it’s not about you.

4. So what is your thing? Find out, then share it. What do you hold most valuable to you heart, your soul?  Who is the REAL you that people need to see?  How can you begin to open up your life to those you lead?  Think about it. Then share it. Show people who you really are.

Hope this post makes you think. That is the goal. Don’t limit your influence. Don’t underestimate the reach you can have and how much of a statement your own life makes. What is important to you? Share it!  What are you so passionate about? Show it! Sometimes without even using words…

What are your thoughts in regards to this topic? Does it scare you to open up your life to others?  What other tips do you have for those of us trying to increase our influence with those we lead?  Love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!

TheWayItCouldBe.com is a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation. Post topics include creativity, family, faith, culture, social media and leadership. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right. – Chad

Action Step: Write down one thing you will do this week as a result of reading this post.  If you need the accountability, write it in the comments below!

Re-post: When I was a kid, my grandmother had a player piano that defined cool. What did you want to hear: Johnny Be Good? Check. Chantilly Lace? Yep. Pants on the Ground? Nope (joke). Whatever song you wanted, I could play them all (as long as we had the paper roll music for it)!  I could draw a crowd and fill a room, but knew nothing more than how to turn the thing on and insert the paper rolls.

I see a variety of young leaders, entrepreneurs and artists fall into the same trap. We see success in others and attempt to emulate that success by being exactly like someone we respect. We want to draw the crowd, build the quick following and set the room on fire!  While there is certainly nothing wrong with aspiring to be like someone else, I believe we are created uniquely. NO ONE else is like you (If you don’t believe me, study genetics or just go your local mall for an hour and look around). You are not Elvis or Buddy Holly, you are the next original song. Write your own song in life!

A couple of helpful questions to ask yourself….

Do you know what your values are in life? This is when you find your melody….
What are your values? Many of us truck through life with little thought of what is most important to us. Don’t do this; life is too short! Determine your personal values and learn to live a life centered around those values. (Example of one of my top core values is: leaders- if one can influence leaders, he can influence nations. I have identified seven other core values.) As you identify values, your chances of honoring those through your lifestyle will be significantly higher. This is your unique melody. By determining your values, you will have freedom to live your life based on who you are, instead of what you can achieve.  Resources below…

Is your song unique? This is when your melody becomes its own…
Write a song worth hearing with your life, unique to who you are. If your life was a song, what would it sound like? Are you doing something with your life, simply because someone else told you that is what you would be good at? What if they were wrong? You only have one shot at this thing, make it count!

Do you learn from others? This is your harmony…
In general, harmony refers to the combination of notes played. Harmony makes melody better. When you have a good melody to build on, harmony makes it great! As you determine your values in life, learn from others to bring depth and perspective to those values. Remember, there is a difference between wanting to be just like others and learning from others. Do the latter. Have an appetite for learning. Observe, ask questions, seek out others in your field and sit with them. Where do you see your values intersecting with theirs. Where do you see your values conflicting with theirs? Who can you learn from?  It’s okay to want to be like someone else, just know that are still unique!

Are you in it for the long haul? This is your rhythmn…
Rhythmn flows in and out. It’s the timing of the music that makes it flow. It helps provide organization. Success in your life comes at a cost: discipline over time. What are you willing to give up? Discipline, sacrifice, hard work. Get into a rhythmn in life that sustains your song.  Have some space in life. Change up your rhythmn when things get stagnant.  Mix things up and take a look back at your values.

You may like: Mastering Time & Influencing the World- 5 Things I’ve Learned About Time, Focus & Eating Frogs.  These are notes from a helpful session I did last year for a group of about 50 leaders from around the country.

Here are a few resources that have helped me: Focused Living: Online with Terry Walling.  Reading through A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller.  What has helped you identify your personal values in life?  Who do you learn from? How have you developed discipline?

Yesterday, I had my old demo contractor set up to come to our house to tear down our garage.  He was supposed to call me on his way so I could line him out.  I was away from home for the day.  I noticed on Facebook that morning that my sweet neighbor and her kid were enjoying watching the tractor work! I jumped in the car and flew home!  Here’s the video of what I found when I got there:

Here is the final post of our renovation project. And here is what things looked like before…

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Well, comments? Love to hear them!

TheWayItCouldBe.com is a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation. Post topics include creativity, family, faith, culture, social media and leadership. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right. – Chad

Re-post: Everyone in leadership strives for impact. Who wouldn’t want to have a track record of success?  Still, even the most gifted leaders make mistakes. No one is perfect!  This is particularly true in leadership.  Every leader FAILS, but not every leader bounces back. Not every leader FAILs well. So leaders… how well do you FAIL?

Here are a few reasons why a leader FAILs well:

Because he (or she) knows he (or she) can FAIL.
He knows he is not invincible, all-knowing, always right.  He realizes he is human, always learning, and always susceptible to a dumb decision or two.

Because he knows his limits.
He knows he is not the do-all, touch-all, direct-all type of person.  He realizes he is only capable of influence by inspiring-all, equipping-all, and releasing-all.

Because he gets feedback.
The leader that FAILs poorly and the leader that FAILs well both FAIL. One is just aware of it and the other isn’t. The one that FAILs poorly doesn’t seize the opportunity to look at the situation and learn from it.  This leader would rather keep on rolling with his puffed-up head in the clouds!  The leader that FAILs well, learns from it.  He gets honest, open feedback from others and grows as a result.

Because he takes risks.
The leader that plays it safe doesn’t FAIL well because he doesn’t FAIL at all. He is too busy “not rocking the boat.” The leader that FAILs well takes educated risks and pushes the limits, even when others don’t understand.

Because he is surrounded by a healthy team.
The leader that FAILs poorly doesn’t have anyone watching his back, because he rolls alone. He thinks he doesn’t need others to succeed.  The leader that FAILs well surrounds himself with a healthy team that mitigates his weaknesses and helps operate within his strengths.

Because he maintains respect.
The leader that FAILs poorly takes others down with him.  He takes things personally and doesn’t allow for conversation.  On the contrary, the leader that FAILs well fails in style!  He knows it is going to happen and when it does, he treats others with dignity and respect.

Because his identity isn’t in his success.
The “poorly-FAILing” leader allows setbacks to devastate him because his identity is entirely wrapped up in his performance. The “well-FAILing” leader accepts setbacks as a reality of life and finds his identity in WHO he is not WHAT he does.

Why is it so difficult for leader to fail well? Why do you think men and women in leadership often don’t respond well to setbacks? We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Is Someone Getting the Best of You? I’m giving away a free boot camp to my wife’s Camp Gladiator in Fort Worth, Texas ($170 is the normal price for the first month, followed by $69-$100/month after the first month). Check out the video below to see what Camp Gladiator is all about!  It was recently voted the best fitness program by D Magazine and WFAA. Is Someone Getting the Best of You? Details below… I’d love for you to share this post, even if you are not in the Dallas/Fort Worth area!

Ok, to win the free camp, here’s are a few rules:

1. Make sure you are available for the 4 week period to go to some of the sessions at the AM camp at Forest Park. (It’s M/W/Friday from 9:30-10:30am in Fort Worth). You will also be able to hit up 65+ other camps in the DFW area, viewable HERE.
2. The free camp is not transferable to someone else and needs to be redeemed by Wednesday of this week.

Ok, to win a camp, do this:

1. Comment below and let us know if you’d like to be considered for the free camp and why you are ready to check it out in Fort Worth this week.
2. Share this post on Facebook and/or Twitter: I just entered to win a free month at the best boot camp in DFW! from @chadmissildine http://bit.ly/FTWBCamp

We will randomly pick a winner from the comments early this week and contact you by email to let you know if you won. Ready, set, comment below!