Your church is different than mine.
Thank goodness.

Last time I checked, all people are different.
And all people connect in different ways.
And last time I checked, we were all made differently by the same God.
Different churches, one Church, one Savior, one kingdom.
Our music is loud, but I’m not sure that God hears it any better.
He hears pretty well.

The problem is one of comparison.
God is sad when you compare your church to others.
Just like he is sad when you compare yourself to others.
And I imagine he gets sad when we don’t use what he has given us.
Even if it is different than the church down the street.
So if you’ve been given ten, handle those ten with care.
And if you’ve been given ten thousand, be faithful as well.

So let’s not pretend we are competing with one another.
And start complementing one another.
Recognizing our often subtle differences.
Let’s reach out instead of holding on too tight.
Let’s be who we are called to be where we are called to be.
And let’s let that be enough.
So Your Church is Different… thank Goodness!

Why is it often difficult for church leaders to be comfortable in their own skin??

I love Facebook, Twitter, Blogging (and yes am even on Google+). Social Media has a ton of benefits and endless possibilities, many of which we have featured on TheWayItCouldBe.com. Nonetheless, there are many social media potholes that we can easily fall into.

The biggest “death trap” of all seems to be when we look to these platforms for our validation. We look to our social connections to say whether or not we matter, whether or not we matter to them. Some look to big name celebrities or those with large followings to try to network and be noticed, in the hope that this person’s influence will win them influence. Some spend a TON of time working the field, trying to be noticed. Others simply hope that a friend or two to ten will agree, notice, share or simply acknowledge. The result can be a dangerous death trap that will try to warp your sense of reality. In many ways it can be like the 5 year old that runs around on the playground kicking and screaming, doing anything to get someone else’s attention!

I wonder what would happen if we spent that time being authentic- who we were created to be, instead of who we think others want to see or hear. Not worrying about a following. Not concerned about who thinks what or when or why. What if our sense of validation and identity came not from others, but from whom we know we are called to be- who we were created to be?

What do you think? Is this a struggle for you? What are other social media traps we should look for? What are healthy ways to achieve balance and not be sucked into this social media trap?

Health is a big deal to many of us. Much of our country wastes itself away on the couch. The problem however is not always too little activity. Sometimes we do too much. Running, for instance, is a great exercise that many of us practice, often to the demise of our bodies. Our joints, knees and backs take a beating, all in the name of health. Seems silly right? It doesn’t have to be that way.

Check out this simple, yet insightful 3 minute video on the lost art of running. NY Times writer Christopher McDougall demonstrates a lost running technique from the 1800s called the 100-Up.

Thoughts? How has running form shaped your health? Have you been plagued by injuries?

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Adult friendships. They can be difficult. Women friends. Man Friends.

When we were young, friends were all around us: at school, in the neighborhood, for some of us at church. Some were closer than others. The standard for me was pretty low. If you liked to dig in the dirt, you deserved my friendship. If you liked to play chase or run around, we were good! Over time, kids grant trust to one another and learn to have fun together.

As we get older, having meaningful relationships can be tough. Life gets busy. Work gets in the way. Kids take a TON of time.

We all know older folks, men especially, who don’t have real close friends. Somewhere along the way, we get burned in a relationship. The pain is too great. It is much easier to move on and fly solo without taking the risks and time it requires to develop close friends.

Our culture sells us on the myth that products will bring what we lack relationally, but the more products we buy, the more miserable we often find ourselves.

Here is one problem with flying alone: at some point in life, you will be faced with tragedy. Odds are, you will experience loss, hardship or some form of tragedy at some point in life. You need relationships with other people who can walk with you during these times. Not to mention, life is a LOT more fun when you share in the good times with good friends. I could list a dozen other reasons for having good friends as an adult, and perhaps you could offer a few as well.

Here are a few tips for cultivating authentic adult friendships:

Forgive. Many of us have never forgiven past hurts from others or even from decisions we have made personally. Forgive those who have hurt you in the past so you can heal and move on.

Be intentional. Make the decision that you are going to develop meaningful relationships with others. You may have to adjust your pace in life, your workload or whatever.

Clarify what is important to you. What are your values? Know what is important ton you so that as you look for relationships with others, you will know what you are looking for.

Get out. Are you passionate about being active? Join a running group. Love being a parent? Hook up with other moms in your town. Want to grow spiritually? Join a small group at a local church. Want to build relationships with people that are not a part of church? Spend some time in a local bar or pub. There are tons of other ways to meet other people. Chances are, there are others around you that you would enjoy spending time with. Look around.

Find a rhythm. As a dad of two little girls and a pastor of a growing, vibrant church, my time is pretty limited. I put my family before any other priorities, so I have set some pretty tight boundaries on how I spend my time. Nonetheless, I try my best to make time for relationships with a few. Just yesterday, some friends and I planned “Wing Night” on a Thursday night after the kids are in bed. I have found a rhythm that works. Find one that works for you!

Ok, so those are a few thoughts on developing friendships as an adult. I’m not great at it, I’m learning. I don’t want to be the guy with no one at my funeral some day. I don’t want to be someone who didn’t leave a legacy behind with family and friends. I don’t want to be the old man that has shut his life off to everyone but David Letterman. Not that Letterman isn’t a decent guy…

TWO Questions for you: 1. Why is it so tough to build friendships as an adult? 2. What suggestions do you have for developing meaningful friendships as an adult?

We drove to school today and Meg told me that I would always be her best boyfriend.
Molly is one and made a noise like an injured cat.
I could tell that Molly agreed, that she too would always put dad on the top of the list.
I told Meg not to forget, that I would hold her to her promise.
A song came on the radio that sang the words, “This won’t last forever.”
I knew the song was probably right.
We got out of the car and Meg held my hand.
She gave me hugs and gazed into my eyes.
And then something happened.
Her eyes left mine.
Her countenance changed.
What was happening?
And then I saw this.
Next thing I know they were walking off to class.
Oh.
No.
What.
Just.
Happened.

She looked back to me with one eye, as to say, “Sorry dad.”
Wow.
I’m still in shock, but I know its not about me.
Being a dad that is.
I know life is all about her taking risks, stepping out.
It is about building relationships, making a difference, having fun.
About me letting go more and more.
Nonetheless, I’m still not ready for it.
I don’t think I ever will be!
Your thoughts???

New to TheWayItCouldBe.com? This is a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation. Post topics include creativity, family, faith, culture, social media and leadership. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right.

Here is a sketch I drew up about managing priorities. It may help you as you think through what is most important, but least urgent or better yet least important, but most urgent. What do you need to let go of? What do you need to elevate to a top priority? What is taking your time that shouldn’t be taking your time. To what areas do you need to focus your best energy, time and attention?

Ok, love to hear your feedback. What do you think? What keeps us from doing what we have drawn up here?