Everyone talks about resolutions this time of year and everyone talks about talking about resolutions. Whether or not you do resolutions, here are some vital questions you need to ask yourself.

They may not all be applicable to you right now but are a great list of questions you can re-visit any time during the year or pass on to someone else by sharing this post!

1. What do I need to say “no” to this year? The Most Important Word In Leadership

2. What am I most excited about right now in life? This may very well be an area where you need to focus time and energy!

3. Where do I need clarity in life? Family? Work? Purpose? What can I do to give myself clarity?

4. What or who is holding me back from my dreams? Dream-stealers and naysayers?

5. What responsibilities have I been entrusted with? Think you are ready for more? Then, it’s time to PROVE IT!

6. Who can help me accomplish what I’d like to accomplish this year? What resources do I need? Do I need to find a mentor?

7. Do I write down my thoughts and aspirations? This could be a huge step for you! How to Remember As You Get Old

8. What distracts me the most in life? What can I do to minimize these distractions? Why You Can’t Work at Work

9. When can I spend time alone thinking and clarifying? Am I a Spiritual Spectator or Am I Connected to Someone higher than myself?

10. What do I really value in life (family, friends, success, faith, a social cause)? Does my calendar reflect these priorities?

Do you do resolutions? If so, we’d love to hear them in the comments! What are other good questions to ask this time of year? What are other resources or articles that you have found helpful? We’d love to know in the comments below!!

No one taught my 4-year-old to mistake herself as the center of the universe. She is just about the most beautiful thing in the whole world, but like every kid, sometimes she believes that the world exists to make her happy. It’s just human nature!

As we grow into adulthood, we are often not too far off! We think that pleasing ourselves will make us more happy, only to look up and continually want more out of life. We find ourselves dealing with a variety of roadblocks that keep us from living the life we could be living. Many of these challenges can be addressed with one simple phrase… Get Over Yourself!

If you are too good to receive feedback from others in the form of constructive criticism, get over yourself! Open yourself up to others, so that next year you won’t look up and be standing in the exact same place you are today.

2012: The Year I Get Over Myself?

If you stare in the mirror multiple times a day thinking about how good you look, get over yourself! You’ll be sagging soon enough, and gravity will win in the end.

2012: The Year I Get Over Myself?

If you stare in the mirror multiple times a day thinking about how good you wish you looked, get over yourself! You were created uniquely, stop trying to look like everyone else.

2012: The Year I Get Over Myself?

If you check your Twitter or FB account every hour of every day, just to see who has commented on your thoughts or made a post on your page, get over yourself! Read around and get to know other people for a change. Stop measuring your worth by your social media popularity.

2012: The Year I Get Over Myself?

If you are doing something unhealthy to your body just to fit in last year’s swim suit, get over yourself! Take care of that body; it’s the only one you’ve got on earth.

2012: The Year I Get Over Myself?

If you are down on yourself all the time for not being perfect, get over yourself! Perfection is a mirage that will leave you thirsty for a long, long time.

2012: The Year I Get Over Myself?

If you are going broke every other month, trying to fit in by purchasing a bunch of stuff you don’t need, get over yourself! You aren’t fooling anyone but yourself. Get your priorities in order.

2012: The Year I Get Over Myself?

If you are neglecting someone close to you because you can’t forgive them, get over yourself! Life is too short to hold grudges. Seek them out and forgive them today.

If you measure yourself by what you can get done each day, get over yourself! Focus on who you can be.

What are some other situations that call for a reality check? Feel free to drop them in the comments. Perhaps you know someone else that needs to hear you say, “Get Over Yourself!” Retweet or share this post; you’ll never know who it may impact.

One time when I was a kid, a friend of mine and I decided to make chocolate chip cookies. About half way into it, we realized we didn’t have any flour.  BIG Problem. We tried to substitute for flour by using another ingredient and needless to say, it didn’t go too well. They ended up tasting like dirty chocolate chip pancakes!

Relationships are similar. Let’s be real. You likely have some missing ingredients in your life.  You were created this way. There is a void left in you because of those missing ingredients. When you look to another person to fill that void, it’s like substituting for flour when making chocolate chip cookies. I promise you things just aren’t going to end up well!

A lot of young people I know get married and look for their spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend to complete them.  In other words, they look to another person to make them happy and content in life.  This common issue presents a number of problems, setting the relationship or marriage up for unrealistic expectations that are about as sure to backfire as your grandpa’s 50 year old pickup truck.

If kid-worshiping is placing too high of a priority on your kids’ wants and needs, then you may be able to call this type of dependence spouse worshiping.  Below are a few reasons why this is a warped mindset that will only lead you to disappointment. Here are 3 Reasons Marriage Can’t Complete You:

Reason # 1 Marriage Can’t Complete You:

It is totally unfair to your spouse/boyfriend or girlfriend. You are putting way too much pressure on them to do something they will never be able to do.  At first, it sounds like a good idea, right? Surely they will be flattered that you would look to them to be your knight in shining armor or your Cinderella at the ball?  At first, they may like being put on this pedestal, but over time they simply won’t be able to live up to this expectation.

Why can’t someone else complete me? It is my opinion that we were created with a spiritual need in our lives.  Like the cookie example above, when we try to fill spiritual needs with another person, things just don’t work out.  We think the final product will be a beautiful batch of chocolate cookies (an amazing marriage), but in the end we end up with dirty chocolate chip pancakes (a messed up marriage or relationship). In the end, it is totally unfair to your spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend to them to them to meet this need. It’s silly almost- like trying to put water in your vehicle’s gas tank. Cars, like people, were simply not designed that way!

Reason #2 Marriage Can’t Complete You:

Complete vs. Compliment. When someone completes you, you literally can’t exist without them- you depend on them for every breath, every thought, every moment of your day. Honestly, I love my wife so much and have been impacted by her in many ways. Still, she can never complete me. She can only compliment me. She feels the same way and has said the same thing. This means that I don’t look to her for my sense of identity, my joy. I don’t define who I am based on her. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t compliment me; she really does! We have a BLAST together! It means that she does not and will never complete me.

Reason #3 Marriage Can’t Complete You:

With the wrong foundation in your relationship, the results will be messy. Question: What happens when we look to our spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend to complete us?  Answer: They will never live up to the expectation and we will eventually become frustrated with them and disappointed in them, even though they are doing everything they can in the relationship. That’s right. Eventually, there will be frustration with that spouse or significant other.

You will begin to ask questions like this… Question: Why am I miserable all the time?  Your possible answer: The answer must be that they aren’t making me happy. Maybe I will look somewhere else… Question: Why am I lonely all the time? Your possible answer: Surely, my spouse should be keeping me from being lonely. Maybe I can find this in someone else. Eventually you’ll look for fulfillment in your career, the good looking co-worker across the hall or the old high school flame you are friends with on Facebook.  None of them will meet that need you have and you’ll start the cycle all over again. The second time, you’ll leave a wake of hurt, pain and brokenness behind.

Or you can choose the One today that can fill that need. Your choice. – Chad

Thoughts? What have you seen happen when people look to a spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend to complete them? Love to hear them in the comments below!

I hope you had a GREAT Christmas this year! Here is a story you may like:

A family member asked Meg(4) the day after Christmas,

“Meg, what was your favorite Christmas gift this year?” Her response?

“Jesus.”

“That is great Meg,” she said, “What was your second favorite gift?”

“My second favorite gift is the same as my first favorite gift: Jesus. Jesus is all we need…and I love him (think Will Ferrell as Buddy the Elf proclaiming his love for Santa)!!”

Was she playing us with a “church” answer? Maybe. I don’t think she was though.

Her answer was not rehearsed. It was not canned. She was being as honest and real as she could think to be. To my four-year-old, toys and electronics were riff-raff compared to the gift of Jesus that gives her endless joy. She has heard us speak of Jesus, but more importantly she has experienced the joy of Jesus.

Jesus is all we really need. So what do you think of Meg’s response?

Today’s Guest Post is from Jody Hoover. Jody is an amazing husband, father (Daddy) and friend. He blogs at DadsRandomThoughts.com.

One of my favorite expressions is “Anyone can be a father, it takes someone special to be a daddy!”

A Daddy is much more than a father.

Daddy implies leader, mentor, coach and hopefully bucking trends of today, a husband as well. If you are lucky enough to be in this role right now, you have to make decisions differently than you did when you were single or didn’t have kids!

Men are great creations of God and we are wired to go after life one way: aggressively. More importantly, we like to go after things that give us a feeling of measurable accomplishment. The three easy things for all of us men to go after are…

Power, money, and sex.

Pick up any news story and you will find powerful men corrupted by

Power, money, and or sex.

It’s an election year, so there are even more stories of this than normal.  The question is…

How do we take the raw aggressiveness of being a man and turn it into something useful and beneficial to others?

One thing that is really important here, you don’t get rid of the aggressive nature of men, you point it elsewhere. You point it towards who real men are created to be. Read Wild at Heart by John Eldredge if that doesn’t make sense to you.

I am an Eagle Scout and this is adapted from something said there often. Decisions of daddies need to be based on 3 big things: God, Family, Self. Get these three in proper order: this is the difference between a father and a Daddy.

God
Don’t look at Mosaic Law for this one. This test can be broken down much easier. Am I hurting or helping my fellow man in this decision. Helping others is pleasing to God! If I truly love God, my life will show it by the way I treat others.

Family
Daddy, it’s not all about you anymore. Picking up and moving across country because it sounds fun probably isn’t something that should be done without a lot of talking and prayer with your spouse and children (if they are old enough). Buying a motorcycle? You better have life insurance. Taking on new debt for something that you just have to have right now? How is that going to affect your ability to have margin in your family’s budget?

Self
Notice this is the LAST criteria. You shouldn’t even consider yourself until you have satisfied the first two criteria. If you made it to this last criterion, the question should be, does this benefit me to better serve God and family? Shocker, the self-test just goes right back to the first two criterion of a decision for daddies.

In case you missed the undertone of my writing, daddy is an awesome role/position, but it means putting most others people’s needs in front of your own. So don’t just be a father, be a Daddy!

So what do you think? Am I completely off basis about how a Daddy should make a decision? Did I nail it? What do you do differently or the same?

Re-post: Certain people think some things are spiritual while other things are secular. I tend to think that God created everything, and that real worship transcends the church experience on the weekend and leaks out into every part of a person’s life. It’s not that corporate worship isn’t extremely important (see Lone Ranger Christianity); it is vital in the life of the church! It just doesn’t stop there.

These aren’t ways to earn God’s love, be a better Christian or anything like that. Impossible. Instead, true worship comes out of a heart that has been transformed and filled by Him and what has been done for you. Real worship can’t help but express true gratitude through the everyday life.

Here are 40 Ways to Worship God When You’re NOT at church:

1. Listen to Willie Nelson, I think God likes Willie Nelson.
2. Worship Him while brushing your teeth.
3. Thank him for clean, running water.
4. Worship him while shaving. Don’t lose focus, you may cut yourself!
5. Thank him long beards aren’t still in.
6. Watch the sunset and compliment Him for it.
7. Be honest in your business dealings.
8. Respect your spouse, He loves this.
9. Write a friend a note, thanking God for them.
10. Thank him when you are belittled or mistreated, he can relate.
11. Sit still and be silent.
12. Respect people who are different than you.
13. Do nothing for a whole day.
14. Do something for someone else for a whole day.
15. Grow a mustache and thank God for enough confidence to walk around with that thing on your face. Here is mine.
16. Go in your closet and round up your favorite clothes and give them away.
17. Read the news and prayer for those in need.
18. Read the news and do something about those in need.
19. Feed someone who is poor, this is real worship.
20. Do the best you can at whatever you are doing today.
21. Honor God in your thought life.
22. Stop worrying! Don’t worry about things you don’t have control over.
23. Stop being lazy! Do something about what you have control over.
24. Sing in your car at the top of you lungs.
25. Love your neighbor, then pray for them.
26. Love your enemies, then serve them.
27. Share an encouraging word with someone.
28. Paint a painting, this is worship.
29. Write a song and share it with someone else.
30. Do what you love and know that this can be worship.
31. Watch nature; it is worshipping its Creator by doing what it is designed to do.
32. Don’t judge people, love them instead.
33. Mow your neighbors yard for them.
34. Read Youversion.com today for 5 minutes.
35. Clean your house and talk to him while you do it.
36. Listen, don’t talk.
37. Write about ways to worship God when you are NOT at church.
38. Love your kids; you can raise spiritual champions that change the world!
39. Eat meat and thank God for it or decide not to eat meat and thank God for it.
40. Invite someone to church for Easter, you never know the impact you can make.

What are other creative ways to worship God? Please feel free to add to the list!!

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What do you think is a man’s top contribution that he can make to society? Building a successful career? Mentoring other young men? Acquiring a large amount of cash? Donating lots of money to lasting foundations? Impacting churches?

All these are great things a man can contribute to society, all worthy causes. I would argue still, that none of these a man’s ultimate contribution. I would argue there is one thing that is more important than all of these: his family.

This is the legacy that will truly outlive a man: his family. This is the responsibility he has been entrusted with that carries more weight than any others: his wife and kids. This is his ultimate contribution!

Do you agree? Why or why not? Love to hear in the comments below!

Here’s to the real men out there that go overboard with Christmas each year. Beyond overboard. Normal is not in your vocabulary. Forget the family budget. The Christmas spirit is needed and you are just the man for the job. So way to throw another season of rational thinking out the window big guy! You are a man’s man, an example to us all of how to go extreme in style.

Some men climb mountains. Others run across the country. You deliver Christmas awesomeness to light up the North American sky. Here are 10 Signs You May Have a Christmas Light Obsession.

1. You need climbing gear to hang the lights. Seriously, certified climbing gear (A video example from yours truly).

2. You make Clark Griswald look like an amateur with an entire flock of plastic reindeer and a 10′ Inflatable Saint Nick.

3. Your lighting schematics plan involves a map, a key, voltage notes and at least three physics formulas. You get man points for each item.

4. You’ve blown at least half a dozen fuses on your lights & you can change one fuse faster than a NASCAR pit crew can change 4 tires.

5. Your wife told you at least three times this year, “Honey, they look great. Um, I like them just the way they are.”

6. You are doing it “for the kids” but you haven’t seen them in days. “What was that funny noise coming from the attic?”  The Dad You DON’T Want To Be.

7. You scoff at safety warnings and certainly know more than the Department of Energy and consumer warning labels. Those guys don’t know anything.

8. Your electric provider called and asked “if you were sure” about your decision.

9. The lady at the light store knows you by name. “Back again Mr. Johnson?”

10. You just adjusted your stock portfolio to incorporate more energy companies. You are using a ton this December, might as well invest in your passions baby!

Fatherhood Manifesto

Ok, what are some other signs that you or your man may have an unbelievably unhealthy Christmas light obsession? Please share in the comments!

I am no expert at online ministry but have learned a ton over the last year or so about helping people online. I’ve been able to help a lot of people through the use of social media tools like Facebook, Twitter and this blog, TheWayItCouldBe.com (12,000 pages viewed in May). I say that not in pride, but in a way that tries to say, “Hey, I’m just a normal dude sharing his life online, inviting others to do the same.”

I put together a few thoughts that may help you as you develop your own personal online ministry. By ministry, I simply mean helping people. This can come in the form of meeting needs, publishing helpful content, sharing content, developing supportive relationships, or a variety of other things. Your specific focus helping people will depend on how you are wired (where you are gifted).

I thought about the 3 P’s of a Personal Online Ministry: Presence, Partnership & Prayer. Whether you are new to the social media game or a long time guru, perhaps the 3 P’s will help you as you help others around the world. Let me unpack:

Presence. Developing an Online Ministry is impossible unless you are not…present. Social Media presence simply put, is built by sharing your life online. You realize that you can have global influence from wherever you are on the globe. Whether through FB, Twitter and/or a blog, being active is the name of the game in bulding an online presence. Presence will give you the permission to speak into others lives.

You don’t have to post something 20 times a day, but it is important that you develop a rhythmn and a consistency with what you post (more on rhythm and consistency). Helpful, relevant content will develop trust over time. Trust is what allows you to gain influence in the lives of others!

Partnership. By partnership I mean this: you can develop a personal online ministry, but if you are not networked and partnered with the right groups of people, your impact will be limited to what you can do personally. You will only be able to write so much, minister so much, respond so much. You need an arsenal of partners to help you have an impact. I would say that I am partnered up with LifeChurch.tv in Fort Worth, Texas and around the world through Church Online. When people have needs, I can lift them up to the LifeChurch.tv community.

Another way to “partner” is to share relevant content from other individuals you respect. Some bloggers (and those you follow on FB or Twitter) put out tremendous content that can help those you are networked with. Sharing their content can have tremendous impact on others (You can share this post by retweeting or posting it on your FB page).

Prayer. Prayer is the fuel behind your online ministry. It obviously guides and fills you in so many ways! Prayer fills your heart and mind in a way that allows you to give what is inside of you to others. You can have a huge impact through social media without prayer, but your impact will be limited to what you can provide. On the contrary, if you will allow prayer to play a significant role in your life, you will have what I would consider an unlimited source of power and influence on your side. Prayer plays a huge role in your online ministry.

On a practical note, you can pray for others online and ask for requests. You can pray through what you post and what you think people need in their lives. You can pray for who you are becoming and who you think you are being molded into. You can pray for others as you reach out and develop relationships. You don’t have to tell people you are praying for them, just do it!

Ok, those are what I call the 3 P’s of Online Ministry. I’m sure there are other important things to think about. What would you add? I would seriously love to hear in the comments. Also, please expand on the 3 P’s in the comments if you like, we would like to learn from you!

In professional sports, you are put on a list if you are injured. In life, we are taught at a young age to cover up our wounds.

Hurt, to many, is a sign of weakness. So as to not stand out in the crowd, we mask our hurts and cover up our wounds. We put a bandage on what should require attention and pretend that it will someday go away on its own.

As a result, there are a lot of folks walking around hurt. We are more afraid of appearing odd than we are of dealing with the hurts.

We wonder why people misinterpret, don’t listen, don’t understand, etc. The answer? More often than not, they are wounded and they haven’t yet healed.

Understand this truth, and you will save yourself a lot of strife in your relationships and your leadership.

Unhealed hurts manifest themselves in a variety of different ways. Just like an infection in one part of the body, an unhealed hurt can take on a variety of different life forms. For some, a wound or hurt results in a very low sense of self. When we are wounded, we blame ourselves, and as a result we feel worthless or inferior to others. This low sense of identity or self can lead a person to seek validation through others.

Other Examples of Unhealed Hurts
Teens look to a boyfriend or girlfriend to feel a sense of validation and have sexual relationships. Thirteen year olds become moms and have babies that will grow up trapped in an unhealthy cycle, all because of an unhealed hurt.

A co-worker with a wound or unhealed hurt will look to their job performance to fill the void in their life. Masking their hurts, they work themselves like crazy and never truly deal with the unhealed hurt.

Causes of Hurts and Why We Don’t Trust
Many of us live with an unhealed hurt that came from someone we trusted, like a father, mother, family member or close friend. This hurt could be the result of sexual, emotional or verbal abuse. Or it could simply be the result of someone making a mistake and simply hurting another. Rather than risk being hurt again, the one with an unhealed hurt will choose not to trust anyone else. They will cover up the wound or hurt and pretend to be whole and healthy.

Trying to Help Heal Someone Else’s Hurt
Others will try to help those with unhealed hurts. Instead of openness, we find bitterness, jaded hearts and a general reluctance to trust or open up. The temptation is to want to jump in like Superman and fix their problems. Unhealed hurts to get fix this way.

How to help heal a hurt
Listen.
Pray.
Listen some more.
Give it time.
Trust. Trust takes time.
Boundaries.

Don’t Do This
Try to fix them. You are not God. You can’t heal them.
Give a lot of advice. They don’t need to hear all your advice. At least not at first. They need to know they can trust you.
Rush it. Remember, true healing can take time. Don’t rush it.

I’m not sure where you are in life. Maybe you have an unhealed hurt. Henri M. Nouwen once said, “The first step to healing is not to step away from pain, but to step toward it.” I would encourage you to deal with the hurt and see if you can step into some healing. Will you take this step? Will you reach out and ask for help? Let us know!

Maybe you know someone with an unhealed hurt. Perhaps it is no accident that you are in their life. Reach out to them, even if it is uncomfortable. Will you be the bridge that brings them into healing? Will you sacrifice your comfort level and time to help them see healing and restoration? Let us know!

Why is it so difficult to uncover unhealed hurts so others may see them?