Today’s Guest Post is from Michael Perkins, a good friend, blogger, artist and a regular guy who likes things simple.
Michael blogs at TheHandwritten.com and hangs
on Twitter here: @MichaelDPerkins

I write all the time.

Sermons. Poems. Blog posts.

Always writing.

And because I wrote so much, I am constantly editing. I’m always looking for things that I need to delete or add in to make whatever I’m working on better.

It’s not the funnest part of writing, but it’s probably the most important.

The last thing I want to do is put something out there that is flawed. (Plus it’s really embarrassing when someone messages you to say that you messed up.)

So…

I’ll spend a few extra minutes to look over things before I publish them.

Which makes me wonder…

Why don’t we do the same right now?

A New Year is upon us.

And with that we have the opportunity to start fresh. We have the opportunity to edit our lives.

We can delete the things that are unimportant.

Or…

We can add in things that enhance them.

Regardless of what we need to do; now is the perfect time to edit.

So will you be doing some editing?

TheWayItCouldBe.com is a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation. Post topics include family, faith, leadership and other stuff. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right.

Those of us in leadership can easily be taken down. Often the causes are not HUGE mishaps. Instead, they are small yet vital details that can easily be overlooked. Here are 3 Things That Can Take Any Leader Out:

1. Thought life.

By thought life I mean what you think about all the time. The conversation going on inside your head is arguably more important than what takes place between yourself and those you lead. If your thought life is negative, what comes out of your mouth will likely be negative. If your thought life is centered around what will benefit YOU the leader the most, this will become quickly evident among those you lead. What you think about, you truly do bring about. Watch your thought life and don’t let it take you out. Instead let it help you rise to the challenges that life presents and lead strong!

2. Energy levels.

Everyone talks about managing your time, but time is fixed and limited. Managing time is important, but I personally believe managing your energy is even more important. Your amount (or lack of) energy impacts EVERYTHING you do as a leader. Lower your energy levels and lower your influence and impact. Raise your energy levels and multiply your influence and impact. Manage your energy levels by watching your diet, exercise, alcohol intake levels, sleeping patterns and by taking proper amounts of time off from work.

3. Self-awareness.

Do you have an accurate view of yourself? Are you aware of your strengths, weaknesses, personality type, and emotional intelligence levels? Do others around you have permission to give you feedback? If the answer to any of these questions is “I’m not sure” or “no” you may not be very self aware. The result could be BIG blind spots that can take you out as a leader. Take advantage of feedback and other self awareness tools to help you gain a higher self awareness.

What are your thoughts on the above three areas? What are other things that can take a leader or a person of influence out? Please share!

Rewind… This is a video I posted this past spring that had a big response. Enjoy!

The Aftermath…

Why is it so hard to do what I talk about in the video? I’d love to hear your feedback…

Want to receive email updates to TheWayItCouldBe.com? Click on the handy new envelope icon at the top of the page to subscribe by email.

Other posts you may like: First On the Scene at a Bad Wreck, 25 Ways to Become a Christian Atheist, 49 Practical Ways to Make Someone’s Day, Life Is Fragile Today, How Will You Use It?

Face it, you, if you are married, (and I) have and will always have an imperfect marriage. It will never be without blunder. Wow, doesn’t that take the pressure off?? Now that we’ve agreed on that truth, let’s talk about 3 Common Marriage Mess-ups and then discuss what you can do with each mess up to have an awesome marriage!

Marriage Mess Up #1- We all have shortcomings. You are imperfect, just like everyone else. Therefore, your marriage will never be perfect. Embrace this early on and you will learn how to thrive in your state of imperfection! Ignore this truth and you will set yourself up for
disappointment at some point down the road.

What to do about it. Openness and honesty- counterbalance your imperfections by being humble, open and honest. Admit when you have wronged one another and seek forgiveness. You probably already know this and are likely tempted to read over this one, but I’d like to encourage you to stop and think about it. Do you really admit when you’ve made a mistake? Have you truly asked for forgiveness?

Marriage Mess Up #2- Misunderstanding. One or more of you likely isn’t a great listener by nature. And one or more of you may have a tough time opening us and communicating needs and desires to the other. Both of these realities, combined with the vast differences between men and women, can set the stage for a sea of misunderstanding in your marriage. Assumptions go unchecked and hurts can build up over time.

What to do about it. Patience and thoughtful words. And becoming a great listener. This one will not be easy. This one is going to take a lot of hard work. You’ve got to learn how to listen. You’ve got to get good at it. Marriage requires putting your agenda aside and serving your spouse by listening. It calls for a constant renewing of the mind, so that your words are thoughtful, intentional and kind. You can do this! Learn to be a great listener, to be patient and to use thoughtful words.

Marriage Mess Up #3- Everyday-ness. Marriage is special. Your spouse is unique. Then comes life. Life lulls you into sleep. It makes the special things seem normal. Everyday-ness happens to your marriage. You take things for granted. Life happens. You look up and your marriage can be….blah. This happens.

What to do about it. Creating special moments. I’m not saying marriage is always a honeymoon or a fairytale or Christmas morning 365 days a year. Nonetheless, it is special! So….make it special. Create special moments, family traditions. Honor your spouse with little things and big things. Serve someone outside of your family and remind yourselves of this: life is not all about what happens inside the walls of your home, but more often what happens when you step off your front porch. Make your marriage special, because it is special!

What other common marriage mess-ups do you see and what can we do about it? Which of these do you relate with and what can you do today about it?

Confidence.

What a misinterpreted word. Here are 5 Things REAL Confidence Is & Isn’t:

Confidence doesn’t mean I’ve got it all together.

It means I’m comfortable knowing I don’t have it all together.

It doesn’t mean you have to prove yourself to others.

It means you don’t measure yourself based on the approval of others.

It doesn’t mean everything will always work out in your favor.

It means that you know who you are, regardless how things work out.

It doesn’t mean always being right.

It does mean you always do the right thing.

It doesn’t mean pushing your agenda in order to win.

It often means putting your agenda aside so someone else can win.

What does confidence mean to you? What isn’t confidence? Love to hear your thoughts!

Do yourself a favor and take a few minutes to watch this Seth Godin video on the difference between a leader and a manager!

So what is one big difference that sticks out to you between a leader and a manager? Maybe it is something Godin said or something you’ve learned. LOVE to hear your thoughts!

TheWayItCouldBe.com is a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation. Post topics include family, faith, leadership and other stuff. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right. – Chad

Re-post: Few people take a day off in today’s culture to rest. The ones that actually do commit to resting are seen as oddballs. Case in point: when mentioning online recently that I did nothing all day, a friend commented, “Just don’t make a habit of it.” Whah? It’s sort of counter-cultural to stop for a day. It’s always been tough for me.

One of my commitments is to take a day of rest every week to re-focus. I made this decision while creating a spiritual growth plan for my life this past year. It has been the toughest, yet most rewarding decision of my life when I’m able to keep the commitment. If you are a performer like me or have a bunch of little ones, it may be extremely tough for you to rest! Still, you need to take care of yourself. Here are some reasons you should take a day of rest every week to focus on God (Even if you are not a believer, there are plenty of benefits to resting one day a week). Get Busy Resting! 7 Reasons You should Rest Today:

1. You have permission to rest. In the Old Testament, the Bible called the day of rest and focus a Sabbath. In the Jewish nation, it was the most defining practice for that day. It is what set them apart from everyone else. The Sabbath commandment was the longest of the ten commandments. If you don’t believe in the Bible, I give you permission to rest!

2. Jesus made the Sabbath even better. Jesus was hammered for occasionally breaking the Sabbath laws, but he told the Jews they were missing the point. He said, “I didn’t come to break the law, but to fulfill it.” So, instead of making the Sabbath day a legalistic practice (which is what it had become for many of the Jews), we are called instead to focus on the real reason of the Sabbath- to focus on God.

3. The early church helped set the stage for us. For Christians, this one day of the week became Sunday during the first centuries of the church. It was a day for honoring God. Ignatius, one of the church fathers spoke of early Christians as “no longer observing the Sabbath, but living in observance of the Lord’s Day.” (Letter to the Magnesians, 9) It became a day not just for rest, but for spiritual focus.

4. It reminds us that we are not in charge. A day of focus on God reminds us that we are ultimately not in control, even though we often believe otherwise. When we force ourselves to be still to contemplate and honor God, we are sort of put back in our right state.

5. It reminds us that God is provider. During the ancient exodus from Egypt, Jews were commanded to gather twice as much food on the day before the Sabbath, so that they could rest on the day that was set aside for Him. It instilled a huge trust in God. Today, when we stop and reflect, we are reminded that He is the ultimate provider, not us.

6. It reminds us that we are set aside for God, to be different. When we take a day all the way off, our minds are rested and focused again on God. Our bodies are rested and renewed. We are reminded that we are to be different than the world. We are reminded again to change the world.

7. Even creation rests. In biblical times, Israelites were commanded to let the land rest (fallow) every seven years so that the soil could be replenished. This ancient practice set the stage for much of the modern crop rotations that still live today. We are no different than the soil when it comes to resting. Without a weekly day of rest and re-focus, we become like stressed soil: depleted of the nutrients and health that yield a productive life. If all of creation needs rest, why wouldn’t you?

So what do you do on a day of re-focus and rest? What other observations do you have that I didn’t talk about? We’d love to hear. Come back next weekend for more thoughts on resting!

If you are a fan of TheWayItCouldBe.com, you should click the handy new envelope at the top of the page to subscribe by email.

You may also like: What’s Your Addiction? No Plans This Weekend? Here’s an Idea For You, Lone Ranger Christianity, 6 Questions to Ask if You Are ALWAYS Worn Out

Are you in love or in lust? Here are some differences between the two:

Lust says, “I need.” Love says, “I will.”

Lust is deceptive and misleading. Love is open and trust-building.

Lust wants what it can’t or shouldn’t have. Love values giving over receiving.

Lust craves what it does not possess. Love respects that which has been entrusted.

Lust never satisfies, leading to death in the end. Love never quits, leading to life.

Lust ultimately centers itself in pride. Love is centered in selflessness.

Lust builds wounds and scars that take a lifetime to heal. Love builds strength and life, often healing the scars of others.

Lust implies perfection. Love rests in imperfection.

Lust has no room for mercy. Love makes room for forgiveness.

Why do we often get love mixed up with lust?? Love to hear your comments.

TheWayItCouldBe.com is a site promoting cultural impact through personal and spiritual transformation. Post topics include creativity, family, faith, culture, social media and leadership. Feel free to browse around by category. If you dig the site, you can subscribe for free email updates by simply entering your email address in the sidebar out to the right. – Chad

So trust is pretty important in marriage. Some of you that are married have a decent amount of trust in your relationship. How great would it be to raise that level of trust and grow even closer in your marriage? Others of you may have little trust. How would you like to move towards restoring what is broken?

Regardless of where you are in your marriage, you can always grow in the area of trust. Trust is a vital ingredient for any healthy marriage relationship! If you are intentional about building a solid foundation of trust in your marriage, you can build a family that will impact generations to come!

Here are 5 Smart Ways to Build Trust in Your Marriage:

1. Do what you say you will do.

Pretty simple. Say you are going to be home by 6pm? Be home by 6pm! If you can hold appointments elsewhere, you should be able to hold them with the ones you care about the most. Communicate your plans and try your best to stick to them. Trust is lost when you fail to follow through I’m action hat you have committed to in word. Choose the higher road and do what you say you will do.

2. Be consistent.

Time builds trust. Consistency over time builds even more trust. If your spouse is talking with you, be consistent in the way you engage and listen. If you have messed up recently in your marriage, as many have, it is going to take time to rebuild that trust. Be patient. Time and consistency. Be consistent.

3. Put your spouse’s interest before your own.

When marriages begin to go downhill, 9 times out of 10, one or both spouses begin to put their own interest before that of their spouses. ME mentality. This selfish mindset erodes trust faster than a wild hurricane on a sandy beach. When you SHOW your spouse you care about their needs more than your own, you will earn their trust over time. And when they begin to put your interests first, guess what happens? Both of your needs are met!

4. Don’t be stupid.

Seriously, don’t be stupid. Don’t do things that you wouldn’t do if your spouse was right next to you. Don’t say things you wouldn’t say if your spouse wasn’t right next to you. Don’t look at things you wouldn’t look at with your spouse right next to you. Don’t. Be. Stupid. Don’t be stupid!

5. Get past the past.

Forgive your spouse. If you’ve been married long, there is a 99.999% chance that one or both of you have played the “stupid” card a time or two. As a result, hurts happen and are tough to heal from and leave behind. If there is anything you are still holding against your spouse, let it go. Your forgiveness for them may eventually lead them to forgive you for when you have played the “stupid” card. Ultimately, you will not be able to control what their response will be, but you must take responsibility to forgive them first. Trust is impossible without forgiveness, because none of us are without fault. Forgive. Get past the past.

Which of these areas resonates with you the most in your marriage and why? What are other ways to build trust in a marriage? Love to hear your thoughts!

Often things that are extraordinary become normal. Repetition numbs our awareness of the abnormal, the uniqueness that can find its way into our lives.

It’s like the waitress at the world’s finest restaurant that won’t eat the food that people flock to experience from around the world. The extraordinary becomes normal. The extraordinary becomes ordinary.

The result can be tragic if you are a spouse, a parent, a leader, an entrepreneur, a pastor or anything else! Parents miss entire relationships with their kids over this. Leaders miss opportunities. We all miss the opportunity to live in awe of what we’ve so graciously been given. We all forget to celebrate wins and embrace the good!

To overcome this reality, to keep the extraordinary from becoming ordinary, we MUST stop and reflect on what is around us. We must take notice of our surroundings and circumstances and ask the questions,

“What is amazing around me?”
“What may I be missing out on here?” and,
“What is so unexplainable in my life that it simply cannot come from human origin?”

It is an improper attitude that causes the extraordinary to become ordinary.

It is a limited perspective that turns the amazing to into the mundane.

It is even the simple reality of repetition that can turn our red beating hearts into gray, motionless stone.

Here is another way to look at the issue.

Extraordinary thing x frequency = perceived ordinary thing

We have to jumble up the equation if we want to keep the extraordinary from becoming old and rusty like a forgotten antique toy in the attic.

It could look something like:

Extraordinary thing x frequency x REFLECT = Extraordinary thing

or

Extraordinary thing x frequency x PERSPECTIVE = Extraordinary thing

I’m afraid if we don’t learn to embrace the extraordinary of today there will be no extraordinary in our lives tomorrow.

Either it will be there and we’ll miss it or it won’t be there because we never learned to embrace it the first time.

Keep the extraordinary.

Embrace it.

Ask for more of it.

Whatever you do.

Don’t miss it.

Why is it so easy for the extraordinary to become ordinary? Why is it so difficult to keep what is precious from losing its luster? Love to hear your thoughts!!